SW Dare of the day

Ok i will tell you another one.

A man wins the lottery and comes home all excited. Honey you'll never guess what just happened! Pack your bags I just won the lottery! The wife joins in his excitement and asks what she should pack and where are they going. The husband says pack everything you want to keep and I don't care where you go but you're not living here any more.

A guy’s wife says if he comes home drunk one more time she’s leaving. That evening, he ends up at the bar with his buddy Steve and gets so drunk, he pukes all over himself. He’s fretting about going home when Steve says, just put a $20 in your shirt pocket, tell her I got drunk and puked on you, but I gave you the money for a new shirt. He likes that idea so he heads home, and walks through the door. On cue his wife starts berating him for being drunk and puking on himself and as planned, the guy says “no babe, it was Steve. It’s ok though, he put $20 in my shirt pocket to pay for it.” She reaches out and grabs the money and says “well, why is there $40 here?” Guy looks at her and says “well, he shit my pants too.”

My phones is on the verge of death so i’ll tell you tomorrow

Jesus drove a Honda
Why do we not know about it!
Because the Bible says..
He doesn't speak on his own accord.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

The guy logs on to his favorite social website and asks people to tell him a funny joke.
Here's the punchline. He's been regretting it ever since. 🤣