I Want to Be Happy

the stress from fierce competition in high school lasts even up to now at age 31. now i still dream about taking exams or missing classes feeling stressed out sometimes. i feel especially depressed thinking about i didnt do well enough in public exams and got into my first choice and everyone s first choice of studies in the university. i have been refusing to accept what i was studying and am now working since age 19. i m full of anger, frustration and depression. yesterday a colleague said his classmate of our profession changed to the major i wanted to study after his first degree, and now he has become a specialist and earns much more than us. i felt depressed immediately that i didnt do anything to try to change when i was younger. now if i start again i will finish my studies at almost 40, as a fresh graduate, while my peers is probably going to retire.

i realize i may not be very interested in the profession i couldn't enter. i am more depressed at the failure to achieve something everyone wants and regards as the best, and that i don't earn as much. i was one of the top students in class since kindergarten but i had bad emotional and stress control and didnt do well enough in the only 2 public exams in teenage age determining the rest of your life.

i hope i will understand how many times i have missed all the chances to make a change because i was too absorbed in my bad feelings. and the ultimate goal to improve oneself does not restrict to one s profession.