I Want to Be Positive About Life
it s been 1 week since i started my new job and it's so far so good, in fact awesome. completely different from my previous jobs. nice colleagues and seniors who are helpful and explain things detailedly, organized and systematic work style and environment, people leave work sharp on time. unlike in my previous work people are rude and irresponsible and if you ask you get scolded or for no reasons. it s been a long time since i last saw some decent normal people in an office before coming here.
My job duties in my new work is not quite the same as my original profession, but require the knowledge i gained from my previous jobs. it s like changing fields but i find myself completely comfortable with it.
several days before i started my new work, i had a conversation with my ex boyfriend (and we remained friends) who said that he wished i would have good relationship with my new colleagues, 'do it right this time, be smart', I felt so angry hearing this so I kept on talking about all the boycott, gossip,unreasonable blame, robbed credits, endless overtime work till midnight and overnight I had gone through and that i wouldn't have expectation on people at workplace anymore; i was thinking that I tried everything I could think of to save myself and fight back and how could you say I was not doing right? what would you do then in the same situation? instead he asked me if i could just give him a break and that i should stop unloading shit to others. this really reached the bottom line i could accept. you should in no way blame a victim for being victimised and blame the victim for voicing it out or asking for help. then i thought about another friend who said the same thing before, blaming me many times for being depressed when i felt really depressed in my previous work, while every time she complained for something much less serious than my situation i listened and gave advice; and at last she got depression and left her job (we were colleagues) much earlier than i did.
I felt angry at them and unfriended them and deleted their contacts. And upon thinking further i should stop spreading negativity to many other people too and deleted half of the people i knew on facebook, then to the point i thought everyone there probably thought the same and i was no longer interested in updating these people of my situation and status, so i deleted my Facebook account; which was just full of posts and memories reminder of working overtime.
And then i have had a week of living in the actual world fulfilledly without facebook, and come back to the experience project (similar worlds actually). describing what i think is more important than what i do, so that i can keep track of my thoughts and understand myself better and see any changes and improvement.
btw i had my birthday last week. university best friends organised a picnic for me and another friends among ourselves, with food they prepared by themselves and even their parents. another group of friends who are more recently acquainted just 2 yrs ago, 12 people in total all showed up on my birthday dinner after a busy day of work on a weekday. my brothers and mother also gave me a celebration :). 2 yrs ago on the same day i went to a theme park by myself because there was free admission for anyone on their birthdays; i sat on the cable tram alone and cried couldn't understand why i got no friends and family (my brother has mental illness and couldn't go out of home and my mother was always staying home with him. Now he is getting better).
i cherish my family and friends who bring me much more happiness than success at work ever does. i am glad that with my less busy work now i can spend more time with them.
My job duties in my new work is not quite the same as my original profession, but require the knowledge i gained from my previous jobs. it s like changing fields but i find myself completely comfortable with it.
several days before i started my new work, i had a conversation with my ex boyfriend (and we remained friends) who said that he wished i would have good relationship with my new colleagues, 'do it right this time, be smart', I felt so angry hearing this so I kept on talking about all the boycott, gossip,unreasonable blame, robbed credits, endless overtime work till midnight and overnight I had gone through and that i wouldn't have expectation on people at workplace anymore; i was thinking that I tried everything I could think of to save myself and fight back and how could you say I was not doing right? what would you do then in the same situation? instead he asked me if i could just give him a break and that i should stop unloading shit to others. this really reached the bottom line i could accept. you should in no way blame a victim for being victimised and blame the victim for voicing it out or asking for help. then i thought about another friend who said the same thing before, blaming me many times for being depressed when i felt really depressed in my previous work, while every time she complained for something much less serious than my situation i listened and gave advice; and at last she got depression and left her job (we were colleagues) much earlier than i did.
I felt angry at them and unfriended them and deleted their contacts. And upon thinking further i should stop spreading negativity to many other people too and deleted half of the people i knew on facebook, then to the point i thought everyone there probably thought the same and i was no longer interested in updating these people of my situation and status, so i deleted my Facebook account; which was just full of posts and memories reminder of working overtime.
And then i have had a week of living in the actual world fulfilledly without facebook, and come back to the experience project (similar worlds actually). describing what i think is more important than what i do, so that i can keep track of my thoughts and understand myself better and see any changes and improvement.
btw i had my birthday last week. university best friends organised a picnic for me and another friends among ourselves, with food they prepared by themselves and even their parents. another group of friends who are more recently acquainted just 2 yrs ago, 12 people in total all showed up on my birthday dinner after a busy day of work on a weekday. my brothers and mother also gave me a celebration :). 2 yrs ago on the same day i went to a theme park by myself because there was free admission for anyone on their birthdays; i sat on the cable tram alone and cried couldn't understand why i got no friends and family (my brother has mental illness and couldn't go out of home and my mother was always staying home with him. Now he is getting better).
i cherish my family and friends who bring me much more happiness than success at work ever does. i am glad that with my less busy work now i can spend more time with them.
