What is happiness?

I have had an unsavory education through my life. My life has been focused on what others need from me - emotionally, financially, etc.. What is always lost in every relationship is that I am a human and I feel emotion deeply. That I have needs, that I have things that I want to accomplish. That I too want to feel love, support, appreciation. Maybe I'm naive. Or immature in the deep reciprical soul connection that I believe love to be. Maybe this is the role. Maybe this is an expectation because I am a man. But, I find it difficult to be content or happy, when the expectation has been throughout my life (since childhood) that I am to facilitate the needs of others and no one should find my own needs of any import. I'm trying not to be selfish. Trying to stop believing that my own hopes, dreams, desires, concerns, fears, longings are of any value at all. Only those of others. But, in this, I'm also trying to understand what happiness is.
RANT OVER

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SW-User

I know what you mean. I’ve always longed for someone who would give as much as I did. We would just propel each other forward and be able to give selflessly because we felt safe we wouldn’t be drained eventually. Synergy.

throughTheMotions · 51-55, M

@SW-User hugs and love at you.

Morrigan · F

It sounds like you were taught it's not okay to put your needs first. This is incorrect. You are a valued human being and your needs are just as important as anyone elses. It can be hard to change a lifetime of being told otherwise, because it feels selfish some how when it is quite the opposite.

throughTheMotions · 51-55, M

@Morrigan It's also historically been seen as selfish with almost everyone I've come into contact with, when I even express my own needs. I think this is because either the focus is not on the needs of the other person or could potentially require shared responsibility. My expression of my own needs has only been met with anomositiy, anger, and insults. I think I have an understanding of the expectations due to the consistency. I appreciate your support of me as a person and send you love for that. But this has been my reality throughout my life. It's not worth fighting for or holding on to what is important to me anymore. So I'm just facilitating the needs of others and trying to survive the reality that I now clearly understand.

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