I Envy Others Happiness

As if depression isn’t hard enough to cope with. I’m still having such a hard time trying to adjust to being on my own.
I got married and had my kids in my 20’s. My eldest is now 15 but all my friends are buying houses, getting married and having babies. They are all in that exciting part where all the fun is still ahead. I just can’t muster the energy to be happy for them. My older friends keep posting about their 20th, 30th anniversaries etc. I feel such an overwhelming saddness for how empty my life feels and so jealous that they have what I want so desperately.
No matter what was going on in my life, I’ve always found joy in my friends’ achievements. Now it’s like some weird ass paranoia that they’re only doing these things to spite me. It’s insane and I hate feeling this way. I’ve never been the jealous type before. How the hell do I stop it?

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luv2fly352 · 70-79, M

Listen to me! You don't have to,nor should you ever measure your self-worth against the successes or failures of others thereby setting yourself up for your own failure.Your self-worth is a given.There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone.Embrace the solitude and silence to quiet your mind.Someone once said: "There is no way to happiness;Happiness IS the way!"

Bleed · 41-45, F

Thank you. But it’s hard not to measure yourself against others. I know some people that have done questionable shit yet their partners fight for them and stick by them. Not one single relationship has anyone ever done that for me. The first sign of a problem and they leave. They’ve never even given me the chance to try and make things right. @luv2fly352

luv2fly352 · 70-79, M

@Bleed Thank you for replying and even though i don't walk in your shoes or know your personal circumstances i'd like to share with you what i do know.No one can take away your personal dignity unless you surrender it to them.How people treat you is their business;How you react to it is yours.If you keep staying solely focused on what "others" are doing,how "others" are behaving or trying to "measure yourself against others" it will only cause you to feel angry,inferior, not "good enough" which of course is untrue.You and your children are no less important than anyone else.I know the kind of men you mentioned in your initial post;They left at "the first sign of a problem" because they sensed and knew you were emotionally vulnerable and perhaps at an economical disadvantage so simply exploited that for their own gratification while they could but of course had no real feeling for you and lacked any intention to "commit" to a meaningful relationship.These kind of men are a dime a dozen and mere opportunist.The kind of man you and your children need are out there and i certainly hope you find him.Take care!

Bleed · 41-45, F

My last partner I was with for 6 years. He bought a house big enough for us and my kids. Even though I wasn’t working at that time. When I got sick he was there for me. He’d cook and clean when I was too tired or in pain. He always offered, I never asked. It lead to me feeling depressed and I never saw what effect it could’ve been having on him. He never told me he was struggling until he said he wanted to end it. He told me I was lazy. I apologised and told him how much I loved him and that I would do better, that I didn’t realised what I was doing to him. He said that If I loved him I should’ve known.
I know I fucked up but.....

luv2fly352 · 70-79, M

It's certainly always a sadder situation when children are involved and of course they need stability in their lives as much as you want and need it in your own life.Having said that,we certainly don't have to like the cards we've been dealt in our lives but we do have to play them out and for whatever reason(s),your former partner chose to leave and whether you realize it or not,you're now going through one or more of the 5 stages of grief which are:Denial,anger,bargaining,grief,and finally,acceptance.For whatever it's worth,i'm truly sorry for all you've been through and are going through at this time in your life.Take care!