9 Signs You Belong To The Religion Of Peace

You always proclaim "God is great" before stabbing someone: No one else is that committed to peace.

Everyone, regardless of creed, is invited to your 9/11 party: Peaceful AND inclusive.

You always give people a chance to convert before killing them: Incredibly thoughtful.

The guy who started your religion only executed 700 people or so: Hard to get more nonviolent than that.

You run to your underground bunker every time you hear thunder: Force of habit.

Many of your favorite phrases begin with "Death to ____": It's an exciting way to start a sentence.

You have a hard time not steering your vehicle into a crowd of pedestrians: So tempting.

You never miss an episode of The Tucker Carlson Show: That guy really speaks your language.

The people who say you aren't the religion of peace have been murdered: All doubts erased.