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War with Iran going well.

Pleased to announce that our war with Iran has been a big success. Spectacular. The Islamist Iran regime is about to surrender due to our big success on Operation Epic Fury. I like that name. It wasn't my idea, but I like that idea. They should make a movie about that. Some HATERS AND MAXISTS (who hate America) say that we don't have a plan. But we have a plan. My plan is so world-class that they say I am a strong and stable genius.

I can. report that, for the fifth day running, we have completely 100% destroyed the Iranian military. It wasn't even close. Let me tell you. 100% destroyed.

Unfortunately, the remaining 20% refuse to surrender. They should surrender. They are losers who don't surrender. They are making some MINOR problems with that straight and the global economy, so we need our loyal allies to step in and police that straight.

If they don't police the Strait, then America may no longer act as such a gracious and loyal ally, as we always have.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.
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Northwest · M
Going so well, our Secretary of Treasury, and as a personal gesture, informed Ayatollah Junior that we're dropping sanctions against Iran oil shipments. We already dropped sanctions against Russian oil shipments.
Elessar · 31-35, M
We've already won

BUT we want your ships to clear the straight

BUT we have the strongest military in the world, we need no one

BUT there will be consequences for you not sending your ships! We're doing this for you!!
deadgerbil · 26-30, M
Thank you for making the middle east great again
SatanBurger · 36-40, F
This is accurate to what he who shall not be named would say
FreddieUK · 70-79, M
Like all good satire, so grimly near the truth.

 
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