Nation Erupts In Celebration As Government Finally Shuts Down

Celebrations have erupted all across America today as the federal government has actually shut down.

Tears poured forth from overjoyed citizens as the government finally closed its doors after years of devastating close calls.

"I thought I would never see this day," said local man Chris Henning. "We've come so close so many times, I started to think it might never happen. To be able to look my kids in the eye and say 'Yes, sweetheart, the federal government has really shut down' -- it's an incredible feeling. What a beautiful moment."

Fireworks could be seen dotting the skies as exuberant revelers took to the streets. "This could be the thing that finally brings the country back together," said local woman Denise Perkins. "There's not much we agree on anymore, but we can all rejoice together knowing the federal government is no longer functioning. It's healing."

At publishing time, the nation had become anxious as Congress threatened to reopen the government.