Transgender Mouse Obliterates Female Mouse In Laboratory MMA Event
Staff members at a local scientific research facility were shocked into silence yesterday, as a transgender mouse tragically ended the career of a mouse that was assigned female at birth during a much-anticipated laboratory mixed martial arts event.
The Wheel of Pain MMA 7 main event featuring Cheeto vs. Nibbles ended in a bloodbath when Cheeto, who recently transitioned to female, knocked out the female challenger in the first round.
Fan outcry was immediate, with calls for the match to be stricken from the record books. "That's a boy mouse!" said one scientist who had his grant money immediately revoked. "You can call it whatever you want but it's still not the same as a girl mouse!"
Others applauded Cheeto for being the strongest female mouse in history. "She's going to break all the records!" said mouse MMA commentator Ralph Michaels. "Nibbles is dead. Maybe even literally. Can someone check on her?"
Audience members gathered around the tiny octagon cage where the match took place were beside themselves that they had spent so much money on tickets for a fight that ended in just 18 seconds.
Matters were made worse when Cheeto reportedly attempted to eat the unconscious female mouse, presumably as a threat to future challengers — a distinctly male trait.
At publishing time, advocates for Nibbles had petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to issue a ruling to restore fairness in mouse sporting competitions.
The Wheel of Pain MMA 7 main event featuring Cheeto vs. Nibbles ended in a bloodbath when Cheeto, who recently transitioned to female, knocked out the female challenger in the first round.
Fan outcry was immediate, with calls for the match to be stricken from the record books. "That's a boy mouse!" said one scientist who had his grant money immediately revoked. "You can call it whatever you want but it's still not the same as a girl mouse!"
Others applauded Cheeto for being the strongest female mouse in history. "She's going to break all the records!" said mouse MMA commentator Ralph Michaels. "Nibbles is dead. Maybe even literally. Can someone check on her?"
Audience members gathered around the tiny octagon cage where the match took place were beside themselves that they had spent so much money on tickets for a fight that ended in just 18 seconds.
Matters were made worse when Cheeto reportedly attempted to eat the unconscious female mouse, presumably as a threat to future challengers — a distinctly male trait.
At publishing time, advocates for Nibbles had petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to issue a ruling to restore fairness in mouse sporting competitions.
70-79, M
