I'm all in favor of slavery reparations . . .
I'm completely in favor of slavery reparations . . .
But the current approach is untenable. Will 50 states have 50 different standards for qualification, and different payout formulas? California seems to be in the forefront of this issue – even though they were always a free state, and never had slavery. What's to stop black Americans from moving to California by the millions to get “their share”? The same sort of internal migration that is happening into legalized pot states to camp on sidewalks, collect welfare benefits, etc?
Reparations is an issue that needs guardrails around it – a national standard. I don't want some future supreme court case (“Ho v. Quaid”?) muddying the waters with a razor thin majority decision. One which declares some state programs legal, other illegal, and still others subject to 25 years of future litigation, as politicians hope for a “rebalancing” of the justices between political parties.
So . . in the interest of helping our great nation arrive at an equitable solution which applies to ALL states, here goes my list of suggestions
1. You cannnot collect slavery reparations if you moved here after the civil war. Period. Hard stop. Your ancestors were never slaves. And don't hurry to get your nieces and cousins over before the payout. Limited to ACTUAL descendants of slaves, not posers.
2. You cannot collect slavery reparations if you are in jail for a capital offense like murder. Or are a drug kingpin. Or have a net worth of millions because you're a big time rapper, Neo Nazi sneaker endorser, sports superstar, famous actor, etc. Back of the bus for you guys.
3. If you're behind on child support, your reparations check goes FIRST to your baby momma and her struggling kids. If there's any money left over, you can laugh all the way to the bank, homie . ..
4. A special tax – either one time, or ongoing – must be approved by congress to pay for slavery reparations. We are so NOT adding trillions more to the national debt because of this. Each American family already owes $300,000 in accumulated federal debt– this is why we're all living paycheck to paycheck. And no cutting federal funding for things like public schools, medical care, veterans benefits, etc. to cover reparations. These are important programs too.
5. The new tax – if and when it is implemented – is only applicable to you if your white ancestors arrived BEFORE the civil war. If they were refugees from world war 1, world war 2, korea, vietnam, etc … you can put a big fat zero in this line item on your tax return.
6. Acceptance of the reparations payment, and/or depositing the check, releases all federal, county, and municipal governments from future litigation and liability over slavery. It is not an admission of guilt – reparations are a good faith effort to redress grievous mistakes made by a bunch of people who died hundreds of years ago.
7. Chinese “coolie” labor, used to build parts of the transcontinental railroad, is not covered by this program
8. Whites who were brought to America under similar contract worker programs during colonial times are also excluded from collecting reparations – nannies; farmhands; lumberjacks; miners; shipwrights; stonemasons – these men (and women) were paid for their work, and in many cases got free land when their contracts were up. Some even went on to own slaves . .
9. Current H1B work visa holders are not eligible under this program. You may, in fact, be getting paid “below average wages” compared to native born programmers, engineers, and doctors . . .but you went into this with your eyes open. Look before you leap. You are NOT a slave, you're simply an exploited worker. And less exploited than uber drivers, Starbucks baristas, and amazon “pickers”.
10. Native Americans – Sorry, but I don't have a good answer for you. Most of YOUR ancestors stole their hunting grounds from other, more peaceful tribes, and kidnapped their women, and tortured their men to death. You should be ashamed. Continue to litigate, if you think you can make a case. We will watch your progress with “great interest”, as emperor Palpatine put it in that Star Wars prequel.
Are we good then? Still want to proceed? Okay – I see a hand up in the back. Yes – Rhode Island – what is your question? Okay, I heard that – this week one of your Latinx politicians proposed slavery reparations, even though you were among the most northern and free-est liberal states among the 13 colonies. WTF are you thinking? You even proposed payouts to white Rhode Island residents. Explain to me – and to America – why this isn't just some crazy stunt to swing votes in an election. I'm waiting . ..
But the current approach is untenable. Will 50 states have 50 different standards for qualification, and different payout formulas? California seems to be in the forefront of this issue – even though they were always a free state, and never had slavery. What's to stop black Americans from moving to California by the millions to get “their share”? The same sort of internal migration that is happening into legalized pot states to camp on sidewalks, collect welfare benefits, etc?
Reparations is an issue that needs guardrails around it – a national standard. I don't want some future supreme court case (“Ho v. Quaid”?) muddying the waters with a razor thin majority decision. One which declares some state programs legal, other illegal, and still others subject to 25 years of future litigation, as politicians hope for a “rebalancing” of the justices between political parties.
So . . in the interest of helping our great nation arrive at an equitable solution which applies to ALL states, here goes my list of suggestions
1. You cannnot collect slavery reparations if you moved here after the civil war. Period. Hard stop. Your ancestors were never slaves. And don't hurry to get your nieces and cousins over before the payout. Limited to ACTUAL descendants of slaves, not posers.
2. You cannot collect slavery reparations if you are in jail for a capital offense like murder. Or are a drug kingpin. Or have a net worth of millions because you're a big time rapper, Neo Nazi sneaker endorser, sports superstar, famous actor, etc. Back of the bus for you guys.
3. If you're behind on child support, your reparations check goes FIRST to your baby momma and her struggling kids. If there's any money left over, you can laugh all the way to the bank, homie . ..
4. A special tax – either one time, or ongoing – must be approved by congress to pay for slavery reparations. We are so NOT adding trillions more to the national debt because of this. Each American family already owes $300,000 in accumulated federal debt– this is why we're all living paycheck to paycheck. And no cutting federal funding for things like public schools, medical care, veterans benefits, etc. to cover reparations. These are important programs too.
5. The new tax – if and when it is implemented – is only applicable to you if your white ancestors arrived BEFORE the civil war. If they were refugees from world war 1, world war 2, korea, vietnam, etc … you can put a big fat zero in this line item on your tax return.
6. Acceptance of the reparations payment, and/or depositing the check, releases all federal, county, and municipal governments from future litigation and liability over slavery. It is not an admission of guilt – reparations are a good faith effort to redress grievous mistakes made by a bunch of people who died hundreds of years ago.
7. Chinese “coolie” labor, used to build parts of the transcontinental railroad, is not covered by this program
8. Whites who were brought to America under similar contract worker programs during colonial times are also excluded from collecting reparations – nannies; farmhands; lumberjacks; miners; shipwrights; stonemasons – these men (and women) were paid for their work, and in many cases got free land when their contracts were up. Some even went on to own slaves . .
9. Current H1B work visa holders are not eligible under this program. You may, in fact, be getting paid “below average wages” compared to native born programmers, engineers, and doctors . . .but you went into this with your eyes open. Look before you leap. You are NOT a slave, you're simply an exploited worker. And less exploited than uber drivers, Starbucks baristas, and amazon “pickers”.
10. Native Americans – Sorry, but I don't have a good answer for you. Most of YOUR ancestors stole their hunting grounds from other, more peaceful tribes, and kidnapped their women, and tortured their men to death. You should be ashamed. Continue to litigate, if you think you can make a case. We will watch your progress with “great interest”, as emperor Palpatine put it in that Star Wars prequel.
Are we good then? Still want to proceed? Okay – I see a hand up in the back. Yes – Rhode Island – what is your question? Okay, I heard that – this week one of your Latinx politicians proposed slavery reparations, even though you were among the most northern and free-est liberal states among the 13 colonies. WTF are you thinking? You even proposed payouts to white Rhode Island residents. Explain to me – and to America – why this isn't just some crazy stunt to swing votes in an election. I'm waiting . ..
31-35, F
