Today I voted Democrat

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whoever I want. I decided to marry my horse.
I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 18% isn’t.
I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.
I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing, because they now think we’re good people.
I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.
A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don’t own.”