i suck at titles

I tell myself the night is kind,
but daylight breaks the lie,
the truth I hide behind my smile,
burns me out from the inside.

I walk a road that splits apart,
each turn a consequence,
my heart pulls hard against my head,
clashing thrashing with poetic pretense.

Each choice I make divides in two,
both right and wrong at once,
I’m stuck between the “should” and “will,”
a fool, coward and dunce.

I chase the truth but turn away,
afraid of what it is I’ll find,
screaming whispers of want and need,
collided against the ramparts of my mind.

I build up walls to keep me safe,
freedom my expense,
the louder that I try to choose,
the less anything makes sense.

A voice says stay, another run,
both plead for recompense,
I cannot win, I cannot rest,
my forever war of tragic dissonance.