Floating cold

Wouldn’t it be wonderful
To reach the end I’m waiting for.
Say goodbye to all the shit
That makes me feel inadequate.

Throw in the towel.
Hit the pits.
I’m loosing anyway.
I’m sorry dad,
I’m not the man
You wanted me to be.

But how could I believe in leaving,
When I’ve seen a family grieving,
If I deny the pain I’ll cause
Then it’s myself I am deceiving

Do I even have a choice?
Between the silence or this noise,
Between peace or constant war
Or is determinism god

for ever more.
Feel the pain
In waters of the numb
And slow drowning
Never move
Until the job is done.