Struggling with ana

I have had anorexia for years now, I've recovered once and now I've relapsed two months ago, loosing over 20kg in that time. I feel miserable and so incredibly lonely not only because this disorder makes me push everyone away, loose interested in the things I love but also being a guy makes me feel like a weirdo, like I'm just seeking attention or something since it's apparently a girls-only illness. It has completely consumed me, I don't think about anything else but food, calories, weight, exercise.