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I need to know, was I gaslighting?

My roommates dog bit my baby. Full story is a week ago, it was dark in the living room and my child ran out like he usually does when we go out there, my roommate's dog was apparently laying down, no one really saw what happened, my wife was only a few feet away and all of a sudden we hear barking grumbling and the dog was on top of our child and he was bitten. Ever since that happened my child is very scared of that dog. My roommate made assumptions that my child stepped on him, but we really don't know exactly what happened, it could be that my child bumped into him, but the dog is a little too big to step on unless it was his tail. My child is really scared of the dog and cries when the dog comes closer and Everytime my roommates sees that she says "Well don't step on the dog if you don't want to get bitten" "stop crying when you see the dog" "he needs to get over it"
So I finally said "we have no idea what happened" and "dogs shouldn't bite or become aggressive to any child" and she turns around and gives me a angry glare and asked "are you gaslighting me?" And I replied, "no I'm not gaslighting you, no one actually saw what happened" and followed" you were asleep when it happened so you can't say that my 3 year old child was the cause of this. And she continued to be pissed at me. Plus the dog has bitten me before and snapped and almost nipped my wife ehen she tried to put the dog in another room because someone was at the door and the dog kept barking. Anyways we didn't see what happened and my roommate was asleep when it happened so theres nothing we can do, but I hate it when people make assumptions. I kept trying to think how I gaslighted her because that's what she told me I was doing and I don't get it
The important part is that since it's your roommate, and presumably your child will be around the dog, something must be done about it.

I know so many sad stories about a child being disfigured or worse by a dog known to bite, but nothing was done to change that.

You need to talk to your roommate and explain that regardless of whether it was the dog's temperament or being startled by the child, the child was bitten. If she won't take prompt action to get the dog to training for aggression, and you don't want to report the occurrence, you'll need to find a different roommate.

I love dogs and am especially attached to my current friend. Since she was little, she has been carefully trained to tolerate even somebody toying with her food while she's eating. It's an owner's responsibility, not only to protect the health and safety of humans, but for the dog's as well. Too many dogs are put down for aggressiveness because their owner was lazy.

Definitely not gaslighting.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@Mamapolo2016 we are living here temporarily but my wife just lost her job due to the running out of business so right now it's hard to move.
My roommate wasn't the first owner of the dog, it was her son's but he couldn't bring him when they moved so he left the dog to his mom.
Thank you for saying that, I don't think I was gaslighting but I'm not sure...
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
If the dog has a history of repeatedly biting people, it must be dealt with.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@samueltyler2 yeah he bit me and tried to go after my wife and nip her. So I know it's not just my toddler that this happened to
MellyMel22 · F
[i][c=BF0080]Absolutely not. [/c][/i]
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@MellyMel22 I'm glad you say that because I'm really confused and my thoughts are racing, because I couldn't figure out why she said I was gaslighting her
MellyMel22 · F
@Itsjustbrit [i][c=BF0080]She’s only concerned about her dog. I’d find a new roommate and/or friend to keep your child safe. [/c][/i]
AstroZombie · 36-40, M
The dog has bitten you. The dog has bitten your child. The dog has snapped at your wife. Sounds me like two out of three strikes. Permit me to explain (and bear in mind things might be different as this story takes place a little over a decade ago):

I was in a resume building class from late 2011 to roughly the summer of 2013. One of my classmates was starting college, living with her parents and the family had a German Shephard. Since those dogs are bred to be used as K-9 units, they have a genetic instinct to chase people who run.

Once the dog actually chased and knocked over a neighbor who was out for a daily jog, exercise and whatnot. Animal Control was called and explained to the family that if dogs show unprovoked, aggressive behavior three times, then Animal Control has a legal obligation to take the dog and euthanize it.

After that, the family put the dog through obedience classes in an attempt to make sure the dog would no longer chase people for no reason. I never found out if they were successful or not as we eventually lost touch when I moved from Central Florida back to South Florida.

Additionally if a domesticated dog attacks a human or another animal and the attack is severe or fatal, once that attack is reported to a doctor, animal control is obligated to be called regardless. And they make the final decision on the dog's fate.

Hopefully, this issue gets resolved so everyone wins (i.e. NOTHING bad happens to your family and the dog doesn't need to be taken away by animal control), but it sounds to me like your roommate doesn't care what that dog does. And it also sounds like she cares more about her dog then the safety of the people she lives with...
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
[quote]stop crying when you see the dog" "he needs to get over it"[/quote]

This is gaslightning. Trying to silence and ridicule someone's adequate reaction to make them think they are overreacting.

They are the ones gaslightning and I wouldn't ever feel safe with my child around someone who speaks that way and have an unstable dog.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@Queendragonfly that's what I thought...
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
I'm just still trying to think why she would think I was gaslighting..
She's afraid of the dog being taken and euthanized.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@SomeMichGuy yeah that makes sense but I wouldn't ask of that or do that at all...
@Itsjustbrit Maybe you need to say that but also let her know that her dog needs a muzzle.
DDonde · 31-35, M
No, that's not gaslighting. A big part of gaslighting is intent to deceive, and that's clearly not present.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@DDonde That's what I thought because all I told her is that we don't know what happened and she was sleeping when it happened. So told her that her assumption might be wrong.
NinaTina · 26-30, F
If a dog bit my child it be a dead dog end of discussion
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@NinaTina my mother instincts kicked in and I shoved that dog away so hard... I just hate that she keeps putting the blame on my 3 year old even though we don't know what happened and she said she wasn't blaming him but the things she said was telling a different story
NinaTina · 26-30, F
@Itsjustbrit hope it gets resolved. But seems like her dog does no wrong, you both need sit down and make sure it dont happen again.
Itsjustbrit · 26-30, F
@NinaTina yeah it's not the dog's fault that he bites sometimes, he wasn't properly trained when he was younger.

 
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