I Have a Cat [Cats]
I don't have a cat right now but I have had a cat in the past and perhaps would not mind getting another one in the future.
Now that I have the niceties out of the way...
Every time I have a realization about my behavior and realize that I need to make changes, I get all excited but I don't know that I am really moving towards making those changes. I mean, I know that I am, I have the tools and I keep going back to them and trying to implement them in my life, only to find that I have been using them all along because they are ingrained in who I am today.
I am trying to figure out a more productive way of handling my bf, he is insecure, has a low self esteem, is codependent and has abandonment issues. I see him for who he is and I accept him with all of his baggage, and I even understand that a lot of his behaviors are defense mechanism that have worked for him in the past.
I find myself, instead of knowing that his behavior has nothing to do with me, taking his behavior as an assault on my personal being. I know he is dealing with his own demons. I know I need to constantly remind myself that his behavior is on him and I can take no responsibility for his thoughts, feelings and actions. But I need more coping mechanisms, I find that reminding myself of that is not very effective and I keep finding myself getting angry.
So now I am in search of more effective ways to deal with my current situation. This is the first time that I have thought about leaving him. I love him and I want to stay. I know anyone and everyone is capable of change, one just has to want to, need to do it. I know I cannot wait around and hope he will change and i know that I will eventually get my fill and move on.
It really hurts to say that, I really love this guy. I know I have to love and respect myself foremost in my life and that will affect any decisions I will chose to make about my future.
Now that I have the niceties out of the way...
Every time I have a realization about my behavior and realize that I need to make changes, I get all excited but I don't know that I am really moving towards making those changes. I mean, I know that I am, I have the tools and I keep going back to them and trying to implement them in my life, only to find that I have been using them all along because they are ingrained in who I am today.
I am trying to figure out a more productive way of handling my bf, he is insecure, has a low self esteem, is codependent and has abandonment issues. I see him for who he is and I accept him with all of his baggage, and I even understand that a lot of his behaviors are defense mechanism that have worked for him in the past.
I find myself, instead of knowing that his behavior has nothing to do with me, taking his behavior as an assault on my personal being. I know he is dealing with his own demons. I know I need to constantly remind myself that his behavior is on him and I can take no responsibility for his thoughts, feelings and actions. But I need more coping mechanisms, I find that reminding myself of that is not very effective and I keep finding myself getting angry.
So now I am in search of more effective ways to deal with my current situation. This is the first time that I have thought about leaving him. I love him and I want to stay. I know anyone and everyone is capable of change, one just has to want to, need to do it. I know I cannot wait around and hope he will change and i know that I will eventually get my fill and move on.
It really hurts to say that, I really love this guy. I know I have to love and respect myself foremost in my life and that will affect any decisions I will chose to make about my future.
51-55, F
