I Love My Cat [Cats]
It’s late, the room is as cold as it is quiet, though under my pile of blankets one doesn’t touch me. The other is broken by the soft rumble emanating from the creature beside me. Every breath has turned into a struggle for him, yet lying beside me he fights a purr through the fluid building in his lungs. Every day is a little bit more of a toil for him, I can see it in the dimming of those butterscotch eyes, in the way his skin hangs from his bones, in the way he cannot jump upon my bed to meet me anymore, how he eats so little and sleeps so much. I don’t understand why his decline has taken such a sharp turn, neither do the vets though they can say for certain that whatever is causing it is terminal. If tears turned currency, maybe I would have a chance; but my thinning wallet cannot support the fluid drains, the lab tests, the medicines that are all a futile attempt to keep this creature in my life when it’s clear that his time is drawing to a close.
I wish I could make him understand that these vet’s offices he hates, the cold floors and scary strangers are trying to help him. I wish I could somehow explain myself to him, why watching him makes me cry and why when I take him back to that cold scary place next week… that I won’t be bringing him back. Eleven years he has been by my side, eleven years he has watched me grow and change with a quiet knowing about him that blossoms in an unspeakable bond. For those eleven years he has trusted me and my family as his keepers, always feeding him, keeping him warm, caring for his injuries and in return he has brought his strange little brand of love. A croaking meow, a gentle purr and later a fierce protective streak have helped make this place my home. Insignificant thought fifteen pounds of fur may seem to some… this place will be a little less home without it.
I want to be selfish, to wait it out just a little bit longer in the hopes that he will get better. Because I love him so much, and because I am not ready to lose this last little remnant of my childhood I would keep him here. But he is tired. I cannot pick him up and hold him close like I always have, as it would cause him to struggle to breathe. His time is ending and I cannot break the sacred bond of trust by allowing him to be in so much pain for any longer. All I can do now is trust that I am making the right choice by taking his pain from him at the expense of so much on my part. I will miss him, but that is not an excuse to keep him after his time.
I wish I could make him understand that these vet’s offices he hates, the cold floors and scary strangers are trying to help him. I wish I could somehow explain myself to him, why watching him makes me cry and why when I take him back to that cold scary place next week… that I won’t be bringing him back. Eleven years he has been by my side, eleven years he has watched me grow and change with a quiet knowing about him that blossoms in an unspeakable bond. For those eleven years he has trusted me and my family as his keepers, always feeding him, keeping him warm, caring for his injuries and in return he has brought his strange little brand of love. A croaking meow, a gentle purr and later a fierce protective streak have helped make this place my home. Insignificant thought fifteen pounds of fur may seem to some… this place will be a little less home without it.
I want to be selfish, to wait it out just a little bit longer in the hopes that he will get better. Because I love him so much, and because I am not ready to lose this last little remnant of my childhood I would keep him here. But he is tired. I cannot pick him up and hold him close like I always have, as it would cause him to struggle to breathe. His time is ending and I cannot break the sacred bond of trust by allowing him to be in so much pain for any longer. All I can do now is trust that I am making the right choice by taking his pain from him at the expense of so much on my part. I will miss him, but that is not an excuse to keep him after his time.
