Alaskan Thunder Fecked

Easily had the weirdest, most awkward night of my life tonight.

I made an apology I owed.

I realized my issue with boundaries is that they stop all access. That would be the point, but what is any creature without it's adaptability? I think I'd rather build a resistance to it. Protect myself from it by understanding, maybe even buying it a cup of coffee and listening to it. I imagine that level of respect and I see no need to build walls and act too good for each other.

So, idealistic crap.

I remembered I'm just "the help" because I was reminded a few times.

But I got to eat a sugar cookie.

Nostalgia is gone though and they actually don't taste good. And none will ever taste as good as my mom's.

I saw the moon.

I made an old lady feel very loved.

And at the end of the day my son missed me and I wished I could live my own life.

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Livingwell · 61-69, M

Quite the day. Being idealistic is ok. I know that you have a strong moral code that is core to who you are. What I think is troubling to you is the fact that many others don't seem to have a moral code or conscience at all. I suffered a similar realization. What got me past it was to understand it wasn't realistic to expect others to meet my code. I hope you find your middle ground like I did. It's not healthy to feel isolated. 🤗

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Livingwell I wish I could find a way to accept it. Things start out good and well meaning, then I start to understand, I'm the person people can push down, that's my purpose. And I can't stand up for myself. I can hardly stand up for others when they deserve it. And I want people to try harder and understand better because we're falling apart as a species when all our issues are fixable. I don't want to give up and asking me to is like taking away my air. It's like asking me to lay down and take the abuse like I did as a kid.

People want you to be strong but weak and it doesn't make sense. Are we doing the right thing? Or are we half assing our way through so it sucks for the next person?

I know it's trauma. I know my inner being wants to fix and manage and cope. But what if I'm not wrong? What if a 99 year old woman deserves the love and respect she gave her family all her life? What if kids deserve a good education if they're excited to learn? What if I'm not the bad guy for running my mouth when something is wrong and it hurts that people will turn their back instead of help?

If I give up, I'm just another person who perpetuates the pain instead of facing the truth and improving things for everyone...

Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M

Sounds like you have a story.

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