I have learned to ignore rude people
Who make comments about my clothes. Like I was bundled up and warmly dressed today being only 70 degrees and some old man stopped mid stride, looked at me again, and said my god you’re really wrapped up. I just rolled my eyes and was like yep. My mental health outreach worker just put her hand on my shoulder and said yes she is but in a tone that was saying to the man yeah and your point is? He just kind of mockingly shivered and said keep warm. What an idiot. Also two old women at the library two days ago also had to make comments that I was really bundled up. Well I didn’t engage because these idiots are not worth my mental energy. She said she was staying professional but she thought he was very rude and it wasn’t his place to say anything. She would have seriously chastised him if she didn’t hold herself back.
I told her about being sad about my ex boyfriend yesterday and she told me a story about how she was with her first husband for a couple of decades and he decided to end the marriage. The point being that someday on my own time I will eventually stop feeling so sad even if he was my one as she put it and eventually I might find somebody else. Life and time waits for no one. She said I will learn to forgive myself because I blame myself for everything falling apart. My mental health worker and clinician feel like friends to me. I have to remind myself they are paid to be there especially mental health outreach worker. But they do listen to me and advise me like friends. I told my mental health outreach worker though I have choices in terms of who I form romantic relationships being pansexual, I still think being single for the rest of my life is probably what is going to happen. And of course I also mentioned being intersex and a gender and sexual minority comes with its risks. She said if I find someone who doesn’t accept me then say goodbye and find someone else. I wonder if someone would be fine with my hermaphroditism. She said I don’t have to tell all my business right away and make sure this person is at least a friend and trustworthy to know about me. I also told her being a gender and sexual minority comes with its risks in many countries. For example the death penalty, jail time, or being attacked by the local population in hate crimes. She said yes but you don’t live in those countries. I said no I don’t but I would not be able to travel safely in those countries. She said not advisable to go to them but no one has to know your status there. I even told her I could even be refused service in some states with no protections for lgbtqia people. She asked me what did I mean refused service? I said for example I could go to a restaurant or cafe and if they say I was part of what appeared to be a same sex couple I could be denied service in a red state. She said never let anyone treat you like that. You could sue for discrimination etc. I said I’m not really the suing kind of person but I wouldn’t ever give them any of my business again. You know she is a Christian Episcopalian so Protestant. But she says god is supposed to love everyone so mistreatment is not ok.
We talked about how I missed my grandparents and how they are originally from Portugal. They lived there first, moved to Africa ( Mozambique a former Portuguese colony) . in the late 1960s until mid 1970s when civil war broke out. They came to America many decades ago to start over after returning to the Azores. We talked about different things. What I didn’t mention was how some black people sometimes make my grandmother nervous to this day because of the violent uprising from some of the native black population driving the whites out of Mozambique. Granted we had no business colonizing other countries and enslaving the local population back hundreds of years ago. But both sides lost innocent people in the 1970s. It is interesting being both white and an ethnic minority I see the world through multiple lenses. And being a first generation American born citizen puts me between three different cultures. American. Caucasian portuguese, and Romani Portuguese or ciganos. In Spain Romani are called gitanos. And in France gitans. However I look white not mixed race. To my mental health outreach worker, my being mixed was somewhat of a surprise to her but she and the clinician met both of my parents and it was like ah I see now. I have kind people in my corner. Actually most of my team are made up of people of color. My mental health outreach worker is black and speaks in African American vernacular English. My clinician is Hispanic. My psychiatrist is South Asian. My therapist is Caucasian as far as I can tell. My former psychiatrist was also Caucasian who left the practice after being a resident there. It seems balanced out. The head psychiatrist is middle eastern who is my psychiatrist’s boss. My former case manager was south Asian and Muslim.
To add off topic, I will say everyone has been really respectful of my gender identity as a woman even though I am intersex. I had to get medical records every year and it mentions my hermaphroditism in my general practitioner's notes. Granted it is easy to subconsciously regard me as female because I look and sound female. And they need to know about medical history to treat me correctly with medication. Being honest about who I am is crucial to receiving proper care. It was a bit of explaining but they took the time to learn about chimerism. Some intersex people get denied proper medical care because practitioners don’t know how to interact with and help someone who is both sexes. I have been very lucky in that regard. My medical team from my primary care provider and mental health team took the time to understand they were dealing with someone who is both female and male. It doesn’t affect my treatment that much because we go with predominantly female metrics. But in case of anything turning up slightly abnormal I need to be honest. Like I had surgery to remove testicular tissue and seminiferous tubules and one set of fallopian tubes and an ovarian gonad. Anyway no one had given me trouble for being a gender and sexual minority in the medical or psychiatric/psychological fields. When I first registered with DMH one of the administrative. Assistants I guess before I saw the psychiatrist and therapist had to ask me if I was biologically female . My case manager had paperwork that presented a lot of options for genders and sexualities but no intersex option. I just checked off woman because that was the closest option. So they knew even before I got my cancerous gonads taken out. My experience with the department of mental health has been mostly positive. They even have signs saying they do not discriminate based on gender identity, gender, sex, sexuality, or gender expression. Everyone is welcome to receive services and they do respect pronouns and terms of address. For gender minorities.
Although the first time I went into the office to get my vitals, weight, and height checked two summers ago going into the autumn it was September. asked if I wasn’t warm with all my clothes being so layered and bundled with heavy stuff. And the nurse was like do you get cold easily? I nodded. That was the end of questioning my wardrobe choices being warmly dressed and bundled up but I still got annoyed for it being mentioned. I should live down southwest, south central, or southeast where it isn’t warm to people until it hits 80 degrees. I’m tired of the comments and questions about how bundled up and warmly dressed I am. That was one reason long ago I wanted to leave New England. I should have been born in Texas or Arizona or somewhere like those places.
I told her about being sad about my ex boyfriend yesterday and she told me a story about how she was with her first husband for a couple of decades and he decided to end the marriage. The point being that someday on my own time I will eventually stop feeling so sad even if he was my one as she put it and eventually I might find somebody else. Life and time waits for no one. She said I will learn to forgive myself because I blame myself for everything falling apart. My mental health worker and clinician feel like friends to me. I have to remind myself they are paid to be there especially mental health outreach worker. But they do listen to me and advise me like friends. I told my mental health outreach worker though I have choices in terms of who I form romantic relationships being pansexual, I still think being single for the rest of my life is probably what is going to happen. And of course I also mentioned being intersex and a gender and sexual minority comes with its risks. She said if I find someone who doesn’t accept me then say goodbye and find someone else. I wonder if someone would be fine with my hermaphroditism. She said I don’t have to tell all my business right away and make sure this person is at least a friend and trustworthy to know about me. I also told her being a gender and sexual minority comes with its risks in many countries. For example the death penalty, jail time, or being attacked by the local population in hate crimes. She said yes but you don’t live in those countries. I said no I don’t but I would not be able to travel safely in those countries. She said not advisable to go to them but no one has to know your status there. I even told her I could even be refused service in some states with no protections for lgbtqia people. She asked me what did I mean refused service? I said for example I could go to a restaurant or cafe and if they say I was part of what appeared to be a same sex couple I could be denied service in a red state. She said never let anyone treat you like that. You could sue for discrimination etc. I said I’m not really the suing kind of person but I wouldn’t ever give them any of my business again. You know she is a Christian Episcopalian so Protestant. But she says god is supposed to love everyone so mistreatment is not ok.
We talked about how I missed my grandparents and how they are originally from Portugal. They lived there first, moved to Africa ( Mozambique a former Portuguese colony) . in the late 1960s until mid 1970s when civil war broke out. They came to America many decades ago to start over after returning to the Azores. We talked about different things. What I didn’t mention was how some black people sometimes make my grandmother nervous to this day because of the violent uprising from some of the native black population driving the whites out of Mozambique. Granted we had no business colonizing other countries and enslaving the local population back hundreds of years ago. But both sides lost innocent people in the 1970s. It is interesting being both white and an ethnic minority I see the world through multiple lenses. And being a first generation American born citizen puts me between three different cultures. American. Caucasian portuguese, and Romani Portuguese or ciganos. In Spain Romani are called gitanos. And in France gitans. However I look white not mixed race. To my mental health outreach worker, my being mixed was somewhat of a surprise to her but she and the clinician met both of my parents and it was like ah I see now. I have kind people in my corner. Actually most of my team are made up of people of color. My mental health outreach worker is black and speaks in African American vernacular English. My clinician is Hispanic. My psychiatrist is South Asian. My therapist is Caucasian as far as I can tell. My former psychiatrist was also Caucasian who left the practice after being a resident there. It seems balanced out. The head psychiatrist is middle eastern who is my psychiatrist’s boss. My former case manager was south Asian and Muslim.
To add off topic, I will say everyone has been really respectful of my gender identity as a woman even though I am intersex. I had to get medical records every year and it mentions my hermaphroditism in my general practitioner's notes. Granted it is easy to subconsciously regard me as female because I look and sound female. And they need to know about medical history to treat me correctly with medication. Being honest about who I am is crucial to receiving proper care. It was a bit of explaining but they took the time to learn about chimerism. Some intersex people get denied proper medical care because practitioners don’t know how to interact with and help someone who is both sexes. I have been very lucky in that regard. My medical team from my primary care provider and mental health team took the time to understand they were dealing with someone who is both female and male. It doesn’t affect my treatment that much because we go with predominantly female metrics. But in case of anything turning up slightly abnormal I need to be honest. Like I had surgery to remove testicular tissue and seminiferous tubules and one set of fallopian tubes and an ovarian gonad. Anyway no one had given me trouble for being a gender and sexual minority in the medical or psychiatric/psychological fields. When I first registered with DMH one of the administrative. Assistants I guess before I saw the psychiatrist and therapist had to ask me if I was biologically female . My case manager had paperwork that presented a lot of options for genders and sexualities but no intersex option. I just checked off woman because that was the closest option. So they knew even before I got my cancerous gonads taken out. My experience with the department of mental health has been mostly positive. They even have signs saying they do not discriminate based on gender identity, gender, sex, sexuality, or gender expression. Everyone is welcome to receive services and they do respect pronouns and terms of address. For gender minorities.
Although the first time I went into the office to get my vitals, weight, and height checked two summers ago going into the autumn it was September. asked if I wasn’t warm with all my clothes being so layered and bundled with heavy stuff. And the nurse was like do you get cold easily? I nodded. That was the end of questioning my wardrobe choices being warmly dressed and bundled up but I still got annoyed for it being mentioned. I should live down southwest, south central, or southeast where it isn’t warm to people until it hits 80 degrees. I’m tired of the comments and questions about how bundled up and warmly dressed I am. That was one reason long ago I wanted to leave New England. I should have been born in Texas or Arizona or somewhere like those places.
31-35, F
