Confrontation Is Just A Way To Get To Know Someone

I've never understood why people view confrontation as a bad thing? It's really a chance to get to know the person better if done in a "pro social" way...no name calling, kicking and screaming!

My friend across the street just got back from seeing her brother in law, her husband (his brother) doesn't say much but she will. She was saying how it takes over 4 hours to drive there, and when they do he just complains about everything! He's never been married and is in his late 50's, he lives in a big house, has a motorcycle, a boat and pretty much does what ever he wants to do. He's the youngest of her husbands family and is spoiled rotten she was saying. They all just sit at his kitchen table while he whines about life not going the way he wants it all the time. She was saying how she hates to go anymore.

So I asked her why she doesn't say anything to him about it? She wouldn't say a word and her husband just sat starring at me. Sometimes we aren't always aware of how we are making other people feel and I think we should say that if we're uncomfortable. It's a sad state of affairs in my opinion when you can't even tell your own family members how they are making you feel. I once had a friend that spoke up and told me I was speaking too loudly. I never thought of it. Then I realized I was doing it because my mother was just about deaf and we all had to raise our voices to be heard by her. I apologized to my friend and began paying attention to how loud I was speaking after that. She laughed and said she was sorry, she didn't know about my mother, but it was okay because we both learned something about each other by her speaking out.

I think confrontation has become a dying art, there's an art in the way to confront people. I learned it in college in a class for speaking I took once. Don't start out by pointing fingers, use "I" messages. For instance....."when you speak loudly I feel bad because it makes me uncomfortable." This way the person doesn't feel attacked. You never want to attack people and don't have to in order to get your point across. Her and her husband says they are taking me with them on their next trip to watch me tell him, hahaha! Some people will never accept constructive criticism, but we have to take care of ourselves first or we have nothing to give.