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I'm a Loner Most of the Time

I've had a habit of isolating myself since being a young child as a way of coping with the world around me and with the people who've inhabited that world. I'm also an only child, so I was very much left with my own imagination to occupy my time as I grew up. Half the time I'm comfortable with my own company, enjoying the freedom to do as I please without having to be concerned with how others are affected by my actions, but then there's the other half where I crave to be included in the lives of others and with what that involves. While I don't want to escape my solitude, I still want to be out of it around others so there's that paradox that seems to follow me around and it becomes an internal battle of sorts.

This is why social connections online are so alluring, because it's a compromise that eases the tension and allows the best of both worlds. Yet, you can't beat a truly absorbing experience with another in the flesh in whichever form that takes.
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SW-User
I feel you, although I have had friendships, I am struggling to make them at the moment as I've been isolating myself through having a lot of anxiety and fear of judgement , feeling lonely is sometimes really awful but you're never alone and it will get better... just need to give yourself a push