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I Am a Codependent and Dont Want to Be

It's a sad reality at times, wanting a relationship to fill the feeling of emptiness that you have.
It's like having a way to escape the person you hate to be so much by feeling like those feelings of low self esteem and sadness are proven wrong when you're with the other person. But they're just pushed aside or patched over temporarily, creating a feeling of dependence on another for your happiness. Thus why you lose your sense of identity as you're escaping from yourself.

They're feelings that are mostly unconscious as the pain of them is too much to address and are deeply embedded from an early age. Thus why a self esteem issue isn't just a case of "go to the gym" and you'll feel better. (though it does help).

Sad part is that the thing you seek the most in this case is the thing you can't maintain.
I'd like to think i've grown since my last experience, a hell of a lot actually but there is something deeper I feel won't be going away. It's more something i'm going to have to learn to live with.

 
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