I Am Different Since My Mother Died [Being Different]

Without a mother you are lost forever . The world is dark , lonely , scary , uncomfortable , confusing , depressing , horrible , sad , heartbreaking without a mother . I don't know why you left me mommy . I feel unloved and neglected and I have no hopes and my spirit is shattered ... Just struggling everyday ... It's my heart , my soul that cries for you ,.. I feel the pain from my insides ... It's a pain like I can't explain .., wish someone could take away this pain ... I'm really miserable and I keep getting hurt by people . I've always been sad but now I'm just ... I can't even put it into words . I keep getting thrown with tests from God and all it's doing is breaking my spirit and faith further and further ... It's meaningless to think she won't be there so that I can see her smile or get a hug when I become successful .,, what's the point of living like this ? I hate my father too , always have . He made me lose my mother and has done nothing to be a parent , he doesn't even know who his daughter is