I Always Get Asked Why Im So Quiet
Its one of those phrases that would always trigger me. When people used to utter those words in my direction, i would feel a sharp pang of spite run to the tip of my tongue but before words could pass my lips, i would clench my jaw and mask my annoyance with a smile.
I was born deaf in my right ear, and if that was not enough, i was later diagnosed with APD, which is an auditory processing disorder. In short, i have problems pulling sounds apart, so if you are talking to me and there's lots of other noises in the background then (depending on the tone and accent of your voice) i may not be able to seperate your words from the sounds of a radio or passing cars. In many cases, i struggle to follow even basic conversaions when in busy enviroments and often rely on body language, facial expresions and primitive lip reading to try to fill in the blanks between the words i did catch and those that i couldnt process.
Ive tried many many times in the past to try to explain this to friends, family and work colleagues, and am usually met with a look of disbeleif as my disability is not very well heard of. Imagine trying to explain to someone that 2 minutes ago you could hear them perfectly but because someone just left the door open on the other side of the room you're now having difficulty hearing them because of the trafic and wind outside. Even when i have taken the time to explain my situation to someone and they have beleived me, within a day they have completely forgotten and every time i am forced to remind them i feel as though im being ridiculous and/or annoying. Even to this day (im 35) i am often reminding my own mother that i cant hear her and like many others in my life she will often become annoyed with me as though im being purposly awkward with her.
With certain people i can be very talkative and witty but for the most part, i just avoid groups of people and usually refrain from conversation with folks when i suspect it will be dificult.
For most of my 20's i would always be making 10 times more effort than everyone around me so that i wouldnt have to explain my situation or make anyone else feel uncomfortable. It was hard work, and so when people asked me why i was so quiet, it made me so angry.
These days i try not to give a shit, and as a result, a lot of people find me cold and rude (because i dont reply to them) though in truth i didnt even hear them ask me anything.
I was born deaf in my right ear, and if that was not enough, i was later diagnosed with APD, which is an auditory processing disorder. In short, i have problems pulling sounds apart, so if you are talking to me and there's lots of other noises in the background then (depending on the tone and accent of your voice) i may not be able to seperate your words from the sounds of a radio or passing cars. In many cases, i struggle to follow even basic conversaions when in busy enviroments and often rely on body language, facial expresions and primitive lip reading to try to fill in the blanks between the words i did catch and those that i couldnt process.
Ive tried many many times in the past to try to explain this to friends, family and work colleagues, and am usually met with a look of disbeleif as my disability is not very well heard of. Imagine trying to explain to someone that 2 minutes ago you could hear them perfectly but because someone just left the door open on the other side of the room you're now having difficulty hearing them because of the trafic and wind outside. Even when i have taken the time to explain my situation to someone and they have beleived me, within a day they have completely forgotten and every time i am forced to remind them i feel as though im being ridiculous and/or annoying. Even to this day (im 35) i am often reminding my own mother that i cant hear her and like many others in my life she will often become annoyed with me as though im being purposly awkward with her.
With certain people i can be very talkative and witty but for the most part, i just avoid groups of people and usually refrain from conversation with folks when i suspect it will be dificult.
For most of my 20's i would always be making 10 times more effort than everyone around me so that i wouldnt have to explain my situation or make anyone else feel uncomfortable. It was hard work, and so when people asked me why i was so quiet, it made me so angry.
These days i try not to give a shit, and as a result, a lot of people find me cold and rude (because i dont reply to them) though in truth i didnt even hear them ask me anything.
