I Always Get Asked Why Im So Quiet

I don't mind this question as much as I used to. It's a bad question, sure, and I can't provide an answer to it that does not make me feel awkward, but I recognize that many people simply don't know how to handle a quiet person. They think maybe they're doing something wrong to prevent that person from opening up. I can at least tolerate it more than the disheartening demand to "speak up".

I've been quiet my entire life. Introversion and shyness are not the same, but lucky me, I'm encumbered by both. My instinct is not to say something unless I have something relevant to contribute, and I often feel that I don't. I respond when people address me, but I often don't take the initiative.

I [i]can[/i] be talkative, but I have to be talking about something I'm interested in and with people I care about.

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Bertrand36 · 31-35, M

Me too. Things started changing for me when I got a job in retail at around your age. At first, I spoke only to needs of customers (directions, information, etc.) So, I was speaking to strangers often, but with a comfortably small sense of social risk.

Over time, I met customers that would engage me in social discourse. Some customers were one-sided blabber mouths, some ignored my shyness and almost all such occasions were awkward. I learned to ignore the awkwardness and squeak out a joke, a laugh, or the simplest of comments: a one worded adjective. For example, "that's wonderful."

This awkwardness diminished over time, then I learned to speak just for the sake of speaking. Socializing is like dancing, moving on account of being able to move.

I regarded my shyness as an addiction, a comfort. My solution was to surrender to the outcome (awkwardness, embarrassment, etc.) and to do things that made me uncomfortable.

You said, "My instinct is not to say something unless I have something relevant to contribute." I know that instinct. I felt it when standing in a circle of friends or sitting at the dinner table with family. That may not be the instinct that you need to develop.

My tendency to contribute and uplift a group's conversations grew [i]with[/i]my tendency to disagree. I may be a more disagreeable person than you, but I offer my old mantra: other people can be wrong too.

If there's any takeaway here it's that you have to work on your shyness. Put your back into it. Grab your balls and bust outta that fuckin' shell man.