I Am Afraid of Rejection

I would probably blame my fear of rejection on singlehandedly preventing me from moving forward with my life and every missed opportunity I encountered. I didn't enter into a scholarship for my writing because I was terrified of getting rejected because it would in turn cast doubt onto my writing skills that people regard me so highly for. And if I never apply, then I cant get rejected so its best to just self sabotage. I never allow myself to like people or have crushes in fear of them finding out and having to face ridicule and being vulnerable to their attacks (stupid middle school experience traumatized me from that). Ive been in such a stagnant place in my life and it goes everything inside me to be vulnerable and put myself in a place where I can get rejected physically, romantically, educationally, basically any aspect of my life. Sometimes I feel like it is better to just pretend I don't have emotions and just ward myself off from that.