Life lessons for the hard of understanding.

I am so many things but mostly i am very unsure what direction life should be going. Why is it when you persue a relationship you think to yourself that you are following your heart but when your on the way out the critiques are a plenty and you see it for the disaster it is. You are always the best shrink at the end or the worst one as you seem to be learning but still making outrageous mistakes based on your break throughs. What is it that makes you seem so romatic one day, a push over the next, and a jerk at the end. How do you know was you the problem all along or was it the image of what the other person saw and you disappointing.....and why is it your deepest thoughts come out in the middle of the night???