May be weird🤷🏼‍♀

this is common esp. for many modern young women. 1. there is a reason certain crazy books are popular. They provide an outlet for the shadows stored in the unconsciousness. (Jung) 2. We used to have a strong polarity between men and women. Think of dancing: the guy leads, the girl follows. With modern feminism, a lot of men are confused and discouraged from taking action and a lot of girls are encouraged even though they, subconsciously crave a man to initiate. 3. You may want to feel desired, as Amur has pointed out. You may want to receive attention and feel desired - inside. However; be honest with yourself, you perhaps don't want to have sex without consent with a person you find very unattractive, do you? Many women secretly crave what you have said but with a man they find hot. There is even a term described for what you've said: CNS (consensual non-consent). Do you just want to cry and be vulnerable in front of a present man (show all your emotions without masking and without being judged) or do you want to cry during sex?