I’m into spanking, he is vanilla. Please help!
Hello,
This is my first time ever writing about my spanking fetish, so I’m sorry for the unnecessary rambling, I just really need to talk about it all to people who can understand me. I hope that someone here will be able to help me.
Quick background: I’ve been fascinated with spanking my entire conscious life, but started to realize that it’s the core of my sexual identity only recently. I was struggling with feelings of shame and guilt, and it’s still hard for me to fully accept my identity. In theory I understand that as long as there is consent, adults can do anything, but in practice I somehow feel “broken”. I’m not into sex — I’m not disgusted by it, but honestly I don’t see the point. The only thing that turns me on and makes me physically aroused is watching disciplinary spanking videos or reading similar stories. Nothing else.
My main problem and question: my husband, whom I love with all my heart, is not a spanking fetishist. He knows about my spanking obsession, and does his best to spank me just the way I want it (I wrote a letter to him outlining in detail what I like). However, it never feels the same as when I watch spanking videos. I do get physically wet sometimes (and this never happens when he touches me or when we have sex), but I never feel turned on. Is this normal? Are your sensations different when you are being spanked vs when you watch someone being spanked? Is it possible to be turned on only by watching but not by engaging in spanking?
Also, any advice on having a relationship with a “vanilla” partner would be very appreciated. I would never leave him because our relationship is perfect in every other respect, but I wish we could figure out this one too. Do you have sex with your partner just “for” them and do they know about it? Do you notice a difference when being spanked by your partner vs another spanking fetishist?
We are not ready to open up our relationship, and going to a spanking party sounds scary at the moment (I’m very shy). Also, I just wish we could have a satisfying spanking and sexual relationship, just the two of us, I wish he could turn me on in real life. He is willing to listen and to try things, but I feel so much guilt for not “wanting” his body and sex. If you have similar feelings, how do you deal with them?
Thank you very much, any advice/thoughts would be very appreciated!
This is my first time ever writing about my spanking fetish, so I’m sorry for the unnecessary rambling, I just really need to talk about it all to people who can understand me. I hope that someone here will be able to help me.
Quick background: I’ve been fascinated with spanking my entire conscious life, but started to realize that it’s the core of my sexual identity only recently. I was struggling with feelings of shame and guilt, and it’s still hard for me to fully accept my identity. In theory I understand that as long as there is consent, adults can do anything, but in practice I somehow feel “broken”. I’m not into sex — I’m not disgusted by it, but honestly I don’t see the point. The only thing that turns me on and makes me physically aroused is watching disciplinary spanking videos or reading similar stories. Nothing else.
My main problem and question: my husband, whom I love with all my heart, is not a spanking fetishist. He knows about my spanking obsession, and does his best to spank me just the way I want it (I wrote a letter to him outlining in detail what I like). However, it never feels the same as when I watch spanking videos. I do get physically wet sometimes (and this never happens when he touches me or when we have sex), but I never feel turned on. Is this normal? Are your sensations different when you are being spanked vs when you watch someone being spanked? Is it possible to be turned on only by watching but not by engaging in spanking?
Also, any advice on having a relationship with a “vanilla” partner would be very appreciated. I would never leave him because our relationship is perfect in every other respect, but I wish we could figure out this one too. Do you have sex with your partner just “for” them and do they know about it? Do you notice a difference when being spanked by your partner vs another spanking fetishist?
We are not ready to open up our relationship, and going to a spanking party sounds scary at the moment (I’m very shy). Also, I just wish we could have a satisfying spanking and sexual relationship, just the two of us, I wish he could turn me on in real life. He is willing to listen and to try things, but I feel so much guilt for not “wanting” his body and sex. If you have similar feelings, how do you deal with them?
Thank you very much, any advice/thoughts would be very appreciated!
26-30, F
