I Spank My Children

Why not? Do you also think women shouldn't spank boys?

I was spanked by both my parents when I was growing up, it didn't make any difference whether it was my mother or my father who did it.

I don't think it's so bad for a woman to spank a boy.

@ladybird: Why not? It's a very sexist and very outdated view.

Perhaps it's ok if clothed, but if it's a normal bare bottom spanking, I'm sorry, I don't think it's right for a man to spank a girl like that.

@ladybird: I disagree. If it's OK for women to spank boys, even bare, there is no reason why men shouldn't spank girls, even bare. I really don't understand why you think otherwise.

All I can say is I would have hated to have been spanked like that as a young girl. It would have been very embarassing.

@ladybird: The sex of the person spanking me didn't make any diffeence. Some female teachers spanked harder the most of the men so, given a choice, I would have preferred to be spanked by a man. At home, my parents spanked equally hard so it made no difference at all.

I expect some boys hated to be spanked by women, especially on the bare. I can imagine it would have been very emabrrassing for them. Their feelings should be considered too.

@Lynda70: It's an interesting point. I used to have the same view as @ladybird, and instinctively I probably still do - gender conditioning in my youth, I suppose. But intellectually I accept your argument. The underlying point, I think, is that there's a risk of abuse, theoretically at least. I'm conditioned to the idea that sexual abuse is more likely in the case of a man and a girl than in other gender combinations. But that may well not be true. Another point is that some people may be influenced in their thinking on this by particular experiences in their own past.

@MartinII: It's a hangover from the old days when women were thought of as weak and ineffectual.

There is a risk of abuse whetever the combination of sexes and it's now known that women are at least as likely to be abusers as men are. Some would say more so because women come under less scrutiny than men - as you've just shown.

@Lynda70: I think it's more that men were thought of as more dangerous than women. But as you say, and as @ladybird says in one of her posts, women could be harsh disciplinarians, no doubt other unpleasant things as well.

@Lynda70: I know women can spank harder: it's more the appropriateness and embarrassment. Ok a girl of 7 might not experience the embarrassment as one of 11 or 12, but I don think it is appropriate, certainly not bare. I have never been spanked by a man, but I would have preferred to have been spanked by a woman ever if it was more severe.

@ladybird: I don't understand this. If it's appropriateness you're concerned about surely it must work both ways. If cross-sex punishments are "inappropriate" it must be just as inappropriate for a woman to spank a boy as vice versa.

I was spanked bare all through my teens by my father and, occasionally by uncles. Equally, my brother was spanked through his teens by our mother and, occasionally, by our aunts. What's the difference? Are you saying boys' feelings don't matter?

@MartinII: Well said! Yes, I think there is too much of a risk with men being allowed to spank girls. As you say, I learned the hard way that women too can use the opportunity to inflict corporal punishment to further their unhealthy, sadistic interests. The risk from men allowed such access to girls is just too much!

@Lynda70: See my reply above, I just don't think a boy spanked like that suffers the same humilitation and risk as a girl. I honestly think that if a boy is to be spanked, he's at less risk if his mum does it. Considering (in my day at least), children were generally looked after by their mums when young, they'd be used to mum doing any spanking anyway. Maybe I can't justify it, it's just how I see it! Perhaps, if it was a supervised setting, with a girl spanked dressed, and watched by the mum, then that might be an option, but better for the mum to do it.

@ladybird: I strongly disagree. I'm sure a lot of boys were just as likely to suffer humiliation as girls were. Evidence now coming to light also shows that boys were at more risk of abuse than girls were and women were just as likely to be abusers. In the past, before that evidence was available, your veiews were perhaps excusable but, knowing what we do now, there is no excuse. Statistically, the greatest risk to a child is its mother!

As men come under more scrutiny than women, children are actually safer with men. The way I see it, we're all better off without these out of date, sexist prejudices.

@ladybird and @Lynda70: this is an interesting discussion and I have been considering your arguments. Neither of my kids got spanked much, but both of us spanked them about equally. Neither kid had a bare bottom spanking in public, but isn't humiliation part of the actual punishment? A private spanking is much less humiliating and ok for minor infractions, but a bare-bottom spanking seems best reserved for a more severe infraction, since it's not just the physical discomfort but the added pain of humiliation for a bare-bottomed paddling. I think it might be more humiliating to have an audience of opposite-sexed people watching, but I'm not sure the sex of the punisher really matters much to the troublemaker.

@Eyesropen: All I was concerned about was how severe the spanking was going to be. In my experience, women spanked harder than men so, in general, unless I kenw a particular man spanked harder, I would prefer to be spanked by a man.

I never found being spanked bare humiliating but I can think of some boys and girls who did. Saying boys spanked bare by women don't suffer the same humiliation and risk as girls spanked bare by men is both factually inaccurate and downright offensive. It displays a total lack of consideration for boys and men. We then wonder why some men are brutes. Isn't it obvious why?

@Lynda70: @Eyesropen: @ladybird: @MartinII: This was a great discussion! Very thought provoking. My husband and I have gone back and forth about who would do the spanking of our daughter. Traditionally he had done it. When she was about 11, I began spanking her, under the thought that the same-sex parent would do it. That lasted about a year.

She's 13 now, and we don't have a hard rule about it anymore.

@Lynda70: I don't see anything offensive about that opinion. Others take a different view from yours, perhaps influenced by their own experiences. I think you should respect that, just as I respect your opinion.

@MartinII: The reasons I find it offensive are that it shows a total lack of consideration for boys' feelings; it implies girls are inferior, therefore in need of special consideration; and it takes a default position of men being abusers.

Let's try swapping the sexes or replacing 'male' and 'female' with 'black' and 'white' -

I don't think women should spank boys. If they have to be spanked, their dad should do it.

Perhaps it's ok if clothed, but if it's a normal bare bottom spanking, I'm sorry, I don't think it's right for a woman to spank a boy like that.

I just don't think a girl spanked like that suffers the same humilitation and risk as a boy. I honestly think that if a girl is to be spanked, she's at less risk if her dad does it.

or

I don't think black teachers should be allowed to spank white students. If they have to be spanked, a white teacher should do it.

I just don't think black students spanked like that suffer the same humilitation and risk as white students. I honestly think that if white students are to be spanked, they are at less risk if white teachers do it.

Would you say those statements are inoffensive?

I can respect differing opinions but it's difficult when those opinions are based on prejudice rather than reason.

@Annie1899: I disaagree with your view of "same sex parent" but at least it treats boys and girls equally. I don't like sexism in any form, it just causes problems. My husband and I are both parents to our children, that's all that matters. If I understand you correctly, you've discovered that too.

@Lynda70: I think gender and race differences are in quite different categories, so one can't read across from one to the other. I accept that many opinions on this, mine included, are influenced by conditioning, prejudice if you like, and more generally by emotion, understandably enough. Anyway, I feel a little out of my depth, so I'm not going to contribute any more on this particular topic. No hard feelings, I hope.

@MartinII: No problem.

Just one more comment. Even if you do consider gender/sex and race differences are different categories, that doesn't negate the example I gave where I simply reversed the sexes.

@Lynda70: I think you put forward very strong arguments for equal treatment, in particular, I noted your comment that you and your husband are equal parents to your children. That was the case with my parents who shared both the giving of affection and the administration of discipline. I was embarrassed at being spanked, but no more so at being spanked by a female than by a male- the greater concern was the severity of the spanking.

@jackcros: The severity of the spanking was my only concern, the sex of the person doing it didn't affect that.

If only one parent administers discipline, that parent can easily become "the ogre", the evil one in the eyes of the child.

In any case, judging people simply by their sex (or race) is both wrong and dangerous. It allows wrongdoers who happen to be the "right" sex to go undetected while defaming good people who happen to be the "wrong" sex.

Would a child really have been at less risk from Myra Hindley than from Mahatma Gandhi? That's what ladybird's posts imply.