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Figuring out what to do

So hubby and I have a open relationship. I'm very picky with people. Well I found someone i actually like talking to unfortunately it's one of his friends... It wasn't something planned. we just started to talk and talking lead to more talking, which then lead to flirting. I know I need to talk to hubby about it since it is his friend but I don't know how to talk to him about it. More so if I'm not sure how the other person feels and why talk to hubby if it's not going past flirting... plus he lives a pretty good distance so it's not like anything is gonna happen. If nothing's gonna happen I don't need to talk to him (per our rules). But same note I wouldn't mind something happening. Also hubby knows I talk to him everyday pretty much and I don't keep the phone calls secret or anything. Ugh I'm just lost at the moment and needed to get this out.

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LeGrotesque · 41-45, F

I was just in this exact situation two years ago. I ultimately decided NOT to go ahead with my guy's friend, and now I know that was the right choice.

1. I now know that the flirting the friend was doing with me was only because he was desperate to get laid- not because he actually was into me.

2. I now know that my bf could NEVER have handled it if I'd slept with his friend, no matter that he said he was okay with it when it came up in conversation between the three of us.

3. The longer I had no-contact with the friend, the more I realized I wasn't even attracted to him as a person, only what he had been saying to get me in the bed, because at the time my bf never said nice things to me like that.

ViciDraco · 41-45, M

I think it's better to ask him. "What if something were to happen between me and this friend?" Be honest that nothing has. But that there has been flirting. And you want to be aware of the boundaries before it goes past flirting.

If he expresses discomfort, then you know. If he doesn't mind, you still don't need to run and tell the friend. You can continue on naturally and if it comes up you are prepared and if it doesn't then it doesn't.

Either way, honesty and communication is how the open aspect has to work. Always remember, it is the betrayal of trust that is most devastating to your long term relationships. Put that trust bond first.

Teirdalin · 31-35

The moment a relationship becomes an 'open relationship' it's already kinda doomed to fail; as the only reason that ever happens is people are unhappy with their current partner. I say just see what his friend is like, maybe you'll find a better husband.

Midlifemale · 61-69, M

@Teirdalin I agree. When in an open relationship, you are truely not in-love with each other

Kevin1990 · M

PM me and I will advise you

SoftIceCream ·

You are thinking too much about it. If you are attracted to the guy, go for it, it is just pleasure, nothing long term. Your hubby already gave you permission when he agreed to the open relationship.
Just be nice about it and don't do it where hubby knows about it.
If you tell him about it he will suffer, that would not be very nice.
Hubby may know you did it by your happy smiles and pink cheeks anyway. Maybe a slight smell on you from this other guys deodorant.

Xxdecayingenternallyxx · F

If he wrote this and tables were turned what would you want him to do? Answer that and you have your answer

LookingIn · M

Perhaps start by asking hubby what his red lines are if you were to have fun.
He’ll find it hot because he knows that you’re considering it but gives him the chance to say what he couldn’t handle.
Communication is key.

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