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Is it wrong for a 43 year old man to sleep with a 20 year old?

My friend is 43 and has a 20 year old friend with benefits. He said he started flirting with her and things went from one thing to another. I support him but wonder how others see it.
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caccoon · 36-40
Yes. I did that when I was younger and I really wish I hadn't.
Boeing · 36-40
@caccoon same. I had two relationships with older men. I mean, it shaped my life, made me into who I am. But both times it acted as a catapult. And I am certain, part of my momentum comes from there.
I think if I were to go back, I wouldn't have done it again. People from the outside do not understand what it's happening to the young psychs in there.
caccoon · 36-40
@Boeing exactly...

And there is no healthy reason why a 20 year old woman would want to be with a 40-something year old man.

And likewise there is no healthy reason why a 40-something year old man should want to be with a 20 year old woman.

It is disgusting for them to seek out younger women and they should know better.
Boeing · 36-40
@caccoon I don't doubt there're going to be exceptions to the rule.. Mhm

But we understand first hand what's this about. At the time I was experiencing my relationships, I couldn't do things differently and seen from another perspective, they offered me great great gifts that I don't know how would I have attained otherwise. They met me when I was completely lost.

But seen again from another point, as predatory behaviour, getting me at my weakest..
It's complicated really, isn't it..

Sometimes I might meet a younger guy looking at me with those eyes, usually I am friendly to them and understand where they're coming from and certainly not getting involved with them in such a way..
@caccoon I was 23 and at the time I saw nothing wrong, thought would be a mature relationship. boy, was I wrong. I was very naive
pet111 · M
@caccoon some young women just like older men for various reasons, sex is one of them. Older men usually want them for sex too. They are compatible that way.

I understand you and others had negative experience too but others had positive experiences too. It just depends.
Boeing · 36-40
@pet111 sex was actually one thing I feel uncomfortable about, when it comes to remembering being with older men, so, no.
If you would ask me how I feel when I was present and a youngster, I couldn't point my finger to what was happening.
Having taken distance I see more things.

You may think they were more tender and cautious in sex whilst in reality they were more cynical and less present than younger men. No, I am finding that younger men are actually more tender and I think that
older men should not prey on younger ones.

You're conversing here with three women, myself, Bexsy and Caccoon, all intelligent, experienced with the situation and life and simultaneously soft hearted-empathic, sentient beings. Take some message from here.
pet111 · M
@Boeing I understand but sex and relationships are two different things.

There are women here who had positive experiences too so I go by that it depends.

I also have a 21 yo guy as fwb but I am a guy in his 50s. We never had an issue so far.
caccoon · 36-40
@pet111 it's interesting that you speak for the younger person or the woman when you are neither of those things

At the time, I was young and meek and had no idea how I was really feeling about it, and was simply having sex with them because I had very low self esteem, which I shouldn't have.

I'm sad NOW I gave myself to those people. It was just sex, they were pushy and it feels gross, I feel like I betrayed myself and it's an obvious example of how much I didn't love myself at the time.

Now looking back, I wish I could go and hug that younger, lost version of myself.

20 year olds don't know what the hell, dude. Remember what you were like at that age.

We were basically kids with licenses to be adults but no idea how to drive yet.

It's sick for older people with life experience to prey on those young and beautiful things, and personally I can't understand being attracted to someone that much younger than me, and if I was, I'd take it as an indication that something was wrong with me or I somehow am not developed yet to really be having a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with anyone.
pet111 · M
@caccoon that's how you feel and it's fine but there are others that don't feel like you. I know my partners, they are making adult decisions. They are not kids, that's ridiculous.
caccoon · 36-40
@pet111 then why are you posting it online to ask people as a grown adult man? I think that's ridiculous too
pet111 · M
@caccoon why can't I? That's what this site is for
caccoon · 36-40
@pet111 I didn't say you couldn't, I was asking why you are.

Seems a little weird
pet111 · M
@caccoon to discuss it, big age gaps are a kink for me so of course I want to talk about it
caccoon · 36-40
@pet111 disturbing