Creative
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Can ya'll give me feedback on a short story i wrote ( I'm still working on it )

Icy cold fingers wrapped around my arm I screamed and squeezed my eyes shut.Then I heard a familiar voice… I opened my eyes in shock..I-It was Noah..! I say in a scared voice “I-I-I thought you were dead..I thought you were in a car accident and died!”. I start to cry.. Noah says in a soft voice “shhh its okay im here now” as he says while stroking the back of her head. He holds her tight.I look up at him, my eyes puffy from crying. But then I remembered… I saw him get buried 3 years ago. I saw his body in the casket. I back up slowly. Noah looks at me confused and says “what's wrong are you okay?” I scream “Get away you don't exist!” I get up and run as fast as I can. I can hear Noah chasing me and screaming “ Wait, come back let me explain!”. I see a house in the distance. I run into the house, lock the door and hide. Noah starts banging on the door and screaming “ I'm sorry please just let me explain” after a few minutes later the screaming stopped. I come out of where I was hiding and crawl to the window. All of a sudden a hand wraps around my mouth. I screamed but it was muffled. Then I hear Noah's voice again but this time…. He wasn't in his body..It was a tall black figure…
slowmarch · M
Many grammatical errors and dialogue errors, if you decide to continue with flash fiction or short story writing I would advise you to get a top class editing site. Grammarly is one that is very popular, expensive but if you go for competition then might be beneficial for you.
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@slowmarch like what, besides it being a run on sentence.
Rambler · M
A good start, follow it and see where it goes. The prose needs tidying up but don't worry about that at this stage, just find the story and clean it up when you have a draft start to finish.
looking4snoopysgirl · 56-60, M
Avoid saying things like: 'I say in a scared voice ' and instead use an emotive verb ... a simple version of which might be: "I trembled"

Also vary your vocabulary
You have an amazing talent. Hope you continue to write. I would love to read more of your stories
Bearsfan67 · 56-60, M
That makes me want to read more. It’s quite good.
Thefreckledgirl1 · 18-21, F
@Bearsfan67 Thanks I might write more later
oogirl · 16-17, F
Scary for sure
Thefreckledgirl1 · 18-21, F
@oogirl I entered it into a Halloween horror story competition
oogirl · 16-17, F
@Thefreckledgirl1 What happens next?
Thefreckledgirl1 · 18-21, F
@oogirl I dont know yet im having a brain block
mainvane · 61-69, M
very good narrative, you have talent...keep writing
NerdySoph · 26-30, F
Pretty good. I liked reading it.
justcurious2019 · 26-30, M
to be honest it needs a bit of work.

 
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