Is it worth it?

If a friend says or does something that upsets you, but if you tell them they upset you they get annoyed or stop speaking to you…is it worth telling them? I always think they’d want to know if they’ve done something that upset me, if they care about me surely they care I’m upset. But it never works out that way, they’re always just offended that I dare to complain. So what’s the point. Either I’m upset and they’re oblivious, or I’m upset and they’re not happy with me. Is it worth even telling them or am I meant to just accept when they say or do something that upsets me and just be grateful that they bother with me at all?

I genuinely don’t know anymore.

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seaglass · F

I only have one person on this planet that I can tell I'm upset because of something they've done without reprecussions, and they say I'm the only one they can tell. It still stings when she tells me I've upset her and I can tell it's the same for her, but we actually followed through on our plans to be able to talk to each other about these things. People always say they want open-communication but then they hold stuff back or get upset when someone opens up. It's not easy and the majority of people aren't prepared for listening and comforting someone they've upset, even when they didn't mean to and for the benefit of their relationships.

Despite the fact that people like the theory more than the practice, I speak up when I'm upset... if the person who upset me matters to me.

SW-User

@seaglass I always just think, I know it wasn’t meant, but if they know it upset me then they may be more aware going forward so it won’t happen again. But it never goes like that. It’s either not acknowledged and they just stop speaking to me, or they get defensive over it. Either way I lose.

seaglass · F

@SW-User It's rough, I know. Some relationships will be diminished or even perish because of it, but it's the only way you can find the people who will listen to you and care about how you feel enough to forget their pride and take care with you in the future. Like I said, I only have one it works smoothly with and we practiced together. We talked about it at a separate time than when an issue came up. We talked about how hard it would be to start and that it would be a humbling experience. People get hurt when you tell them they hurt you. It takes a lot for two hurt people to reach out at the same time.