Really not sure why I am doing this ...

I wrote this song about four years ago with no intentions of ever showing anyone.
As of now I have only ever shown two people.
I recorded it last night because I wanted to use my new guitar.
Then for some odd reason I felt it may be time to show more than two people.
[media=https://youtu.be/GP0RILp8LAA]

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HootyTheNightOwl

Another great song.

It makes me second guess my response to my "dad" - was I right to cut him out of my life, despite the years of physical abuse that he subjected me to???

Should I take the huge hit to my physical and mental health to let him back in again???

It's funny how some works just end up being shared - even though they weren't necessarily written with that goal in mind. You just reach the point where you know that it's now or never.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@HootyTheNightOwl That is a very complexed question. With me and my daughter it was a misunderstanding that she was allowed to believe instead of her mother explaining it to her and encouraging her to talk to me.

My parents were both horribly abusive. I never cut them out even tho they continued to be a negative influence until their deaths. They had no idea how to be anything other than what they were.
They didn't possess the ability nor want to look at what they were doing and decide they were doing nothing but damage.
So, with that in mind, what good would come from you re-establishing a relationship with your father?
Maybe you would feel like you did something kind for some one that didn't deserve it.

I will take a second to also say that if anything I write comes off as anything less than sincere it's this medication I am on has my brain doing exactly what it's not supposed to do. Ugh!! :-)

In your case, I would think, you should only think of you. Would contact with him make your life better in some way?
In my case, they never changed and were only constant reminders of all the bad they did and continued to do.
But if facing your past will empower you in some way like showing you that he no longer has power over you, then it may help.
I wish I could say more. Brain not working. :-(
Thank you Hooty and I hope the best for you.

HootyTheNightOwl

@Dainbramadge My problem was more a case of broken parents raising children that they broke.

It took me decades to see my mother's abuse because of the fact that she was protecting me from worse abuse by my "dad" and step dad.

She's been dead a little over a year now - and I look at the family I have left... a father who would hit me until I learned to dissociate. To this day, I still dissociate when pain gets too much for me.

A sister who is enabling my ongoing abuse to continue... while at the same time as opening windows for me to escape through.

A brother who just wants to beat the snot out of whoever he can. I don't want soon to be ex beaten up... I just want out of here.

The way I see things is that I have nothing to gain from associating myself with any of them - all it's ever going to do is hurt me further.

I'm aware of your bipolar disorder and that sometimes your brain works differently to how you might want it to. I also consider us to be friends, so I know that you have my best interests at heart - even if you feel like you aren't saying what you feel that you should.

You gave me a lot to think about, which has confirmed in my head what I have felt for decades now... though it stretches further than I first thought it did based on the recent actions of my siblings.