Really not sure why I am doing this ...

I wrote this song about four years ago with no intentions of ever showing anyone.
As of now I have only ever shown two people.
I recorded it last night because I wanted to use my new guitar.
Then for some odd reason I felt it may be time to show more than two people.
[media=https://youtu.be/GP0RILp8LAA]

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robingoodfellow · M

I can understand why chose to keep this to yourself for so long, because it's so personal.
But it's possibly the most beautiful emotional love letter I've ever seen.
Wherever she is I hope your love letter finds her.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@robingoodfellow Thank you very much for that.
This was the first song I think I ever wrote straight from the heart. It just poured out in just a few minutes. It was an actual song that really meant something to me rather than some quirky phrases strung together.
I shared it with a close musician friend of mine who was aware of everything that was going on with me and this situation. The funny thing was it wasn't like I shared it with pride like I had accomplished something great and was looking for props. I think I shared it with him just as I would share a letter talking about it. It had just come out so clear as a description of the hurt I was feeling.
I think I shared it one other time after that as a song rather than a woe of me dedication.
But other than that I would just play it alone to myself when I was really feeling the hurt. Maybe just a way to torture myself. IDK.
For some reason after I recorded it I felt this strong urg to put it out there for other people to see.
I guess it was just time.
After I made the video and actually uploaded it I still hesitated a few hours before i actually posted it here.
It's a crazy thing to expose your raw delicate true self openly like this.
This is a monument to the worst pain I have ever had to experience with no relief.
Maybe sharing it will open new windows some how and help me cope better than I have been.
Thank you again.

robingoodfellow · M

@Dainbramadge I think its probably going to prove to be cathartic for you. You're not the first to take something painfully personal and make a public song out of it. Eric Clapton's Tears In Heaven is a good example.
I have to tell you, this put tears in my eyes. A beautiful song married to these images is quite powerful.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@robingoodfellow I guess that is what I am looking for is a cleansing. Writing the song documented, very accurately, what I was feeling deep in my soul.
I thought that was enough. That was all I needed to cushion the pain.
But then I recorded it and it became something new.
I guess maybe I felt guilty hiding it away all those years like I had done something wrong, but when I listened to the playback I didn't feel ashamed of having those painful feelings.
I have talked here about the situation before I just never imagined actually showing the complete picture of how deeply hurt I am over this.

I have a difficult time listening to "Tears in Heaven".