Really not sure why I am doing this ...

@robingoodfellow Thank you very much for that.
This was the first song I think I ever wrote straight from the heart. It just poured out in just a few minutes. It was an actual song that really meant something to me rather than some quirky phrases strung together.
I shared it with a close musician friend of mine who was aware of everything that was going on with me and this situation. The funny thing was it wasn't like I shared it with pride like I had accomplished something great and was looking for props. I think I shared it with him just as I would share a letter talking about it. It had just come out so clear as a description of the hurt I was feeling.
I think I shared it one other time after that as a song rather than a woe of me dedication.
But other than that I would just play it alone to myself when I was really feeling the hurt. Maybe just a way to torture myself. IDK.
For some reason after I recorded it I felt this strong urg to put it out there for other people to see.
I guess it was just time.
After I made the video and actually uploaded it I still hesitated a few hours before i actually posted it here.
It's a crazy thing to expose your raw delicate true self openly like this.
This is a monument to the worst pain I have ever had to experience with no relief.
Maybe sharing it will open new windows some how and help me cope better than I have been.
Thank you again.

@Dainbramadge I think its probably going to prove to be cathartic for you. You're not the first to take something painfully personal and make a public song out of it. Eric Clapton's Tears In Heaven is a good example.
I have to tell you, this put tears in my eyes. A beautiful song married to these images is quite powerful.

@robingoodfellow I guess that is what I am looking for is a cleansing. Writing the song documented, very accurately, what I was feeling deep in my soul.
I thought that was enough. That was all I needed to cushion the pain.
But then I recorded it and it became something new.
I guess maybe I felt guilty hiding it away all those years like I had done something wrong, but when I listened to the playback I didn't feel ashamed of having those painful feelings.
I have talked here about the situation before I just never imagined actually showing the complete picture of how deeply hurt I am over this.

I have a difficult time listening to "Tears in Heaven".