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My Sacrifice - Creed

In truth, you are the reason I made an account on this site. You were my best friend, not just on EP.
It's been so long and my memory is so bad that all of the details are fuzzy. When we met you were so suspicious, but I saw you open up and become one of the coolest people I ever met. But you were determined to leave.
You had made over a handful of EP accounts in the past, always leaving and coming back. In our final email conversation you said that EP was just another habit that you needed to break.

You sent me this song. Told me you felt it described our friendship.
You wanted me to forget you because you didn't think you were worth being remembered. But you were so important to me, that I never could forget you.
Your favorite song was Black Hole Sun, and you never told me your real name. But I didn't need a name to love you. I didn't need your name to talk to you every day, to confide in you, to trust you. I didn't need your name to remember you. Or to miss you.

I had to say goodbye to you twice. You left once but came back again, before finally leaving for good. You deleted your EP account and the email account where we spoke. You did it for your own good, and I don't blame you. But sometimes I wish you had come back, just once more. Sometimes I wish we could meet again.

I'll always miss you, my friend. And I'll always think of you when I hear this song.
"When you are with me, I'm free..."

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Arorin · M

Ep was a beast of a website

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thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin It might be following this one is more in a way, even with fewer users.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles this one is crap. Ep showed every story posted in the chronological order they were written. There was no algorithm it was all seen by everyone at all times. I didnt have to click on a friends profile just to see what they posted. If there was a post it was shown. Things get hidden and lost here. I am not speaking of the people im an speaking of the mechanics.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I get that, but given the last few years politically, the amount of angst/anger... I personally applaud the algorithm in some way, it's a social site to find like hearts and souls; I'd say it's done well for me. I've been touched by hearts I may have never seen. I keep friends with someone, with almost no likeness in similarity, other than a kind heart.... and last night, if it were clouded by posts I didn't need to see, I may not have learned she had someone close to her commit suicide (when my nephew had two months ago).

You can complain, but it holds something, and your message, kindly received, doesn't really fit her words either.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles you can still have the feature to sort and filter even ep had that, but to not include an option to see everything is a huge flaw. Ep had a lot of cliques so it obviously worked for building social like minded hearts. I can have 3 or 4 hours of nothing new being shown here while there are many things actually being shared.

I don't. think thats for you to decide

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I just know I've met some I've never would, and I feel an "algorithim" that somehow finds where I can give support, offers more than just random sentimentalism maybe you miss. (I'm not doubting what you say, just framing perspective). I personally prefer what I find now from what I found five years ago.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles Ep wasnt around 5 years ago. Maybe this website has improved from 5 years ago, but 5 years ago i was still being deployed and going to war i wasn't a frequent flyer on sw all the time. Thats cool that the chance of life have given you memories that you are grateful for, but there is no reason this website couldn't have both options to have a filter and to have everything. I can't live vicariously through you. Your good experiences don't translate to me having good experiences and for the life of me this website has mostly made me feel disconnected from people even further rather than the deep connections i made on ep. I met my wife ep.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I hear misplaced anger there. All from this topic, too.... You are good with words, but one can never place the outside world into how they feel displaced from the world, sorry. That doesn't matter upon SW, EP, culture ... it's how you find culture. I'm glad you met your wife on ep, you love her, but the displacement is elsewhere, even if the world is a mirage of what it could be. I mean well. I know you are a military man, and my ex suffers from PTSD, and I wonder if fighting for a country, while she had no choice from her mother being schizophrenic makes it worth suffering, when if we didn't fight there would be less trauma.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles you dont get to speak for me or tell me how i feel. I said i felt disconnected i never said i felt anger and without knowing my experiences you don't know if anything is displaced you are assuming.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin Well, sorry, if my words offended, but your words did to me. I'm allowed my response, as you are. I didn't speak for you, one thing I have learned in time, the closer they hit home, the more anger you feel. It's so off topic now.. You want to continue? I actually respect you. You could have tried empathizing ...

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles you didn't offend me. i have no emotions regarding you. I've had people tell me you are that weird guy and to just ignore you that if i don't respond you just go away which is fine it whatever. If people get under my skin i just block them, but you don't really bother me. I see you kind of like Russel Brand. Its like he grew up reading the dictionary with a huge vocabulary but puts together nonsensical rants. You assume too much and could learn a lot more from an individual if you would inquire more and ask questions to get an understanding of me, but you never do so we won't ever have an understanding of each other.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin Oh social media, letting other's assume.. grand. I get where you come from now. I respect you didn't block me, but that's not really respectful either. Tell me how I live, thank you... I'd tell you how I understand PTSD, but this aggressiveness, is out of my respect, sorry. Focusing on the wrong aspects. When my questions here were trying... and actually resembles my original question... but okay. 😞

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles im not trying to be respectful to you. I don't care about you, you aren't on my radar. I told you before if someone sends a message to me i will reply to them if i see it. My goal is to be true to myself even if others don't like it. Im not mad or angry at you. Bud i hope you live a long happy life, but i understand that you and i aren't going to be buds which is perfectly fine. You can't make everyone happy all the time and that is just the way of the world.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I never asked to be buds. It's a different understanding of the world. You aren't on my radar, but to be told I'm .... well. Be true to yourself, why would I care, but don't think your words of ptsd, now so far off topic represent each window within.... That's life hard lesson. I do mean that with respect, I mean upon you well, you seem a decent chap.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles i don't know how you even brought ptsd into this topic. I didn't say anything about ptsd so how did i ever have words of ptsd?

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I have a long memory in what I read. You put it up elsewhere on here, I'll remember, and it will come up if I remember someone, okay? I was wrong to bring it up.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles regardless of any other day of what was said whenever it was said how does any of this have to do with me saying i liked ep more than sw. Why would you pull ptsd into this topic?

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin The original post felt traumatic.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles sorry i traumatized you.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin wow, okay... you didn't. *original topic* and I made slight of hand in assumption..

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles you meant i was traumatized?

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin no... just how you read the post... fuck me... and it can be how I read your response. I just piece things together, not linear, sorry with a long memory... and vivid emotions, I'm not going to apologize for. I will apologize for offending you, assuming I didn't mean to do

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles but i told you i wasnt offended

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin That was your first words, then you went onto how people talk of me on a public forum; that doesn't lead to trust. In my shoes, which is essentially what the topic is circling, how does it feel? When really I just brought up I found different things than you.

Arorin · M

@thewindupbirdchronicles because on a previous post i wasn't mad at you i just didn't understand what you were telling me, and i asked a friend for clarity. They told me to ignore you and not argue. I don't go out of my way to insult you. I mean it when i wish you a good life and happiness. I don't have any illness toward you at all.

thewindupbirdchronicles · 46-50, M

@Arorin I think I know the one, okay? I apologize. My words weren't even cruel, they were looking to humour in the wrong place. Whoever that friend was, I might know. I have the feeling you would never insult, I've seen your care for those you love. I mean upon you, you have a life full of love and happiness... When it's spoken this way, I always respond.

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