I’m Me - Even if that ain’t good enough for anybody else.
Life is all about acceptance of one’s self!
Maybe someday I’ll find an ear attached to an honest voice.
Until then, I’ll erect more walls and revert to the mindsets that have proven so effective over 53 years of living!
Because fuck the self help and therapy that’s made me hate myself and question myself and doubt myself.
My therapist said I should let the woman I loved into my inner pains and woes.
I told her all about me and the millions of dark thoughts that besiege me since I started this supposed journey of self help 3 years ago.
I let it flow like a flood gate opened.
3 days later she acted like a douche and got all snappish and accusatory towards me.
I told her straight up:
“We’ve always made really good friends. Over the last 2.5 years we were excellent lovers. But I don’t think we’ve ever made a good couple or partners.”
After 4 days of her desperate texts, she sent the cops to my house knowing I was sleeping with my phone on silent and told them that she feared I was going to kill myself and begged them to break down my door to make sure I was okay. She did it at 11 pm knowing I go to bed between 9-10 every night and silence my phone.
I woke up to 6 people rushing me as I jumped up from my bed in my underwear…
Thank God they announced themselves as I rushed at them because I was about to fight for my life and who knows how that would have turned out?
But I was waking up cold to 6 guys coming into my house and surrounding me.
In the end they Sectioned 12’ved me.
An involuntary commit to psyche ward as a danger to myself because of her story…
Despite the cop’s obvious understanding of the words coming out of my mouth in explanation, his reply was
“It’s a liability issue now and I’m no t willing to accept that.”
I was released a half hour after I explained everything to a real mental health professional that ended up apologizing to me for all of it some 14 hours later. As if that apology makes up for the shame and embarrassment that was caused because I live in a rented condo unit.
But t yeah, 3 years ago I had very few problems with myself and I considered myself a sad but good guy.
And then I dug into all the flaws she saw at her insistence of “Growth and Betterment” The whole time wondering why who I was when she met me wasn’t good enough now? The whole time hoping that the CBT and the Shadow Work could get me closer to who she wanted me to be through my “Growth “
Here I am now, wondering why I ever questioned myself and the things that got me to 56 in the first place? Especially given that everything that made me question who and what I was is something that was someone before the tendrils of her said I wasn’t enough
Maybe someday I’ll find an ear attached to an honest voice.
Until then, I’ll erect more walls and revert to the mindsets that have proven so effective over 53 years of living!
Because fuck the self help and therapy that’s made me hate myself and question myself and doubt myself.
My therapist said I should let the woman I loved into my inner pains and woes.
I told her all about me and the millions of dark thoughts that besiege me since I started this supposed journey of self help 3 years ago.
I let it flow like a flood gate opened.
3 days later she acted like a douche and got all snappish and accusatory towards me.
I told her straight up:
“We’ve always made really good friends. Over the last 2.5 years we were excellent lovers. But I don’t think we’ve ever made a good couple or partners.”
After 4 days of her desperate texts, she sent the cops to my house knowing I was sleeping with my phone on silent and told them that she feared I was going to kill myself and begged them to break down my door to make sure I was okay. She did it at 11 pm knowing I go to bed between 9-10 every night and silence my phone.
I woke up to 6 people rushing me as I jumped up from my bed in my underwear…
Thank God they announced themselves as I rushed at them because I was about to fight for my life and who knows how that would have turned out?
But I was waking up cold to 6 guys coming into my house and surrounding me.
In the end they Sectioned 12’ved me.
An involuntary commit to psyche ward as a danger to myself because of her story…
Despite the cop’s obvious understanding of the words coming out of my mouth in explanation, his reply was
“It’s a liability issue now and I’m no t willing to accept that.”
I was released a half hour after I explained everything to a real mental health professional that ended up apologizing to me for all of it some 14 hours later. As if that apology makes up for the shame and embarrassment that was caused because I live in a rented condo unit.
But t yeah, 3 years ago I had very few problems with myself and I considered myself a sad but good guy.
And then I dug into all the flaws she saw at her insistence of “Growth and Betterment” The whole time wondering why who I was when she met me wasn’t good enough now? The whole time hoping that the CBT and the Shadow Work could get me closer to who she wanted me to be through my “Growth “
Here I am now, wondering why I ever questioned myself and the things that got me to 56 in the first place? Especially given that everything that made me question who and what I was is something that was someone before the tendrils of her said I wasn’t enough
