Deaf - Dumb -Blind
I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure myself out. Trying to work on all of my many deficiencies.
My ADHD, my OCD, my RSD….
It’s such a long and arduous process. A path that’s extremely triggering and trying and tumultuous.
A never ending journey on this so called road of self discovery and betterment.
And yet…, still here I am
The insufficient man
That’s done the best he can
Without a working plan.
Ugh.
If it weren’t for all my rhyming I think I’d have exploded from the inside by now.
Sometimes I wonder to myself…, Am I doing this for me, or am I doing it for all the different Them’s out there in my world?
I’m never really sure, as I sit in the bathroom of my non-smoking apartment, smoking a cigarette with the steam exhaust fan going…
Cigarettes aren’t half as bad for me as my inner doubt and stress is. Not a third as bad for me as the lack of sleep I seem to get. And it’s only half as deadly as the profession I work in as an ironworker.
All of which are things that have kept me up at night as I’ve wondered about and researched them through the dark hours. All of which is backed by statistical analysis and scientific research.
None of which matters.
Because here I am.
Mostly the me I’ve been since I was 4 years old when all my synapses were formed and my brain took on its defense mechanisms that I would use for the next 51 years to get me here today.
Even this post. A post , posted to a bunch of anonymous people. People that I mean nothing to at all.
It is just another way my mind lets itself creep forward through the din of my existence.
I know. I know…
It all sounds so bleak and dismal.
But maybe therein lies my truth?
There inside the bleak and dismal.
Inside all of the dismay and endless pondering of what might have been, what could have been, what should have been..?
Perhaps the answers I seek lie there?
But if that were true, wouldn’t I have found them by now?
Those elusive answers to my never-ending queries?
After all the years of striving and learning and looking back?
Wouldn’t the answers to all my questions have come forth by now?
Or maybe I’m just a deaf, dumb and blind man, in a well lit room of a thousand people ?
Can someone point me towards the pinball machine?
[media=https://youtu.be/H_r_dWenKhk]
My ADHD, my OCD, my RSD….
It’s such a long and arduous process. A path that’s extremely triggering and trying and tumultuous.
A never ending journey on this so called road of self discovery and betterment.
And yet…, still here I am
The insufficient man
That’s done the best he can
Without a working plan.
Ugh.
If it weren’t for all my rhyming I think I’d have exploded from the inside by now.
Sometimes I wonder to myself…, Am I doing this for me, or am I doing it for all the different Them’s out there in my world?
I’m never really sure, as I sit in the bathroom of my non-smoking apartment, smoking a cigarette with the steam exhaust fan going…
Cigarettes aren’t half as bad for me as my inner doubt and stress is. Not a third as bad for me as the lack of sleep I seem to get. And it’s only half as deadly as the profession I work in as an ironworker.
All of which are things that have kept me up at night as I’ve wondered about and researched them through the dark hours. All of which is backed by statistical analysis and scientific research.
None of which matters.
Because here I am.
Mostly the me I’ve been since I was 4 years old when all my synapses were formed and my brain took on its defense mechanisms that I would use for the next 51 years to get me here today.
Even this post. A post , posted to a bunch of anonymous people. People that I mean nothing to at all.
It is just another way my mind lets itself creep forward through the din of my existence.
I know. I know…
It all sounds so bleak and dismal.
But maybe therein lies my truth?
There inside the bleak and dismal.
Inside all of the dismay and endless pondering of what might have been, what could have been, what should have been..?
Perhaps the answers I seek lie there?
But if that were true, wouldn’t I have found them by now?
Those elusive answers to my never-ending queries?
After all the years of striving and learning and looking back?
Wouldn’t the answers to all my questions have come forth by now?
Or maybe I’m just a deaf, dumb and blind man, in a well lit room of a thousand people ?
Can someone point me towards the pinball machine?
[media=https://youtu.be/H_r_dWenKhk]
