abused child

Lungs feeling heavily saturated from the stench in the air in this place.

Strained eyes desperately searching for a glimpse of something but blinded by the darkness. Strained ears desperately listening for a sound but deafened by the madness.

Clinging to life… and you don’t even know why.

Sometimes you can hear breathing, a slight shuffling of feet, a low and quiet laughter… or maybe it’s just the tortured mind playing tricks again.

Sometimes you think you can see a face directly in front of you, almost feel the hot breath on your throat… but maybe not.

Arms stretched wickedly above, hands are numb and blood trickles down. It tickles.

The fire burns on your back, your legs. Throat is dry… you’re terrified.

What day is it?
What time is it?
Where am I?

Terrified by what might be standing before you. Afraid to breathe, afraid and alone and wondering… what did I do?

Hang here and wait and imagine… mind wandering wildly, trying to be somewhere else. Crying quietly, tasting salty tears in your mouth. Tasting blood on your lips.

Consumed by the pain.

Strong hands around your throat holding firm and steady but not choking and the first hit comes… from somewhere on the right.
Then another from behind. Suddenly your body is attacked with vicious hurtful punches from every direction. Battered relentlessly without reason.

You feel the wetness of blood, welts, and the sting from the belt as you drift away…

Feeling helpless, feeling small and unimportant, feeling like an object rather than a human being, feeling like it’s your fault and you deserve this, wishing you were dead, feeling such intense shame, humiliation and hatred of yourself, feeling violated.

Alone again.

Listening and waiting for the next attack. Not sure when, not sure by whom or how many.

Listening to the beating of your own heart as it breaks…