The dark side of trying to make it work with a narcissist [I Want To Spread Narcissism Awareness]
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OogieBoogie · F
UUuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!
[big]YES![/big]....And it's so slowly invasive!...10 years can go by, and you can't pinpoint a single thing or cause that made it change.
All you can say is it ' just got worse'.
And YOU change!...tiny bit, by tiny bit until you can't recognise yourself any more.
And you're left hovering around a lost dream, with no ability to find another to replace it ...because even your passion for yourself had been sucked out of you.
[big]YES![/big]....And it's so slowly invasive!...10 years can go by, and you can't pinpoint a single thing or cause that made it change.
All you can say is it ' just got worse'.
And YOU change!...tiny bit, by tiny bit until you can't recognise yourself any more.
And you're left hovering around a lost dream, with no ability to find another to replace it ...because even your passion for yourself had been sucked out of you.
OogieBoogie · F
@berangere the thing tjat gets me is....im not stupid. I believe in forgiveness.
But I can't believe when I look back , with my new understanding....HOW DID I LET IT GET SO BAD?
I dont believe in unlimited fogivenes any more .
In fact .... I don't believe in that much any more.
And the more I learn about this "disease of narcissism "...the more it blows my mind.
To watch a person so oblivious to the emotional impact of their own actions , yet need to feed emotionally off the results.
I wonder if it's a type of Psychopathy ....they feel their needs SO acutely... No matter how small....but they can literally watch you scream in physical pain - and the only hint of emotion they might feel is that 'sickening half smile that touches tjeir lips.
The more I learn...the more horrified I become.
The emotional vacume they live in must be VAST!...
Im not surprised they continually need to stuff it with Shopping, boasting, criticising, gossiping, shaming, betting, useless projects, new clothes, new hobbies, new stuff. ... even to the point of getting violent - they are so desperate to feel SOMETHING REAL.
They will always be empty .
But I can't believe when I look back , with my new understanding....HOW DID I LET IT GET SO BAD?
I dont believe in unlimited fogivenes any more .
In fact .... I don't believe in that much any more.
And the more I learn about this "disease of narcissism "...the more it blows my mind.
To watch a person so oblivious to the emotional impact of their own actions , yet need to feed emotionally off the results.
I wonder if it's a type of Psychopathy ....they feel their needs SO acutely... No matter how small....but they can literally watch you scream in physical pain - and the only hint of emotion they might feel is that 'sickening half smile that touches tjeir lips.
The more I learn...the more horrified I become.
The emotional vacume they live in must be VAST!...
Im not surprised they continually need to stuff it with Shopping, boasting, criticising, gossiping, shaming, betting, useless projects, new clothes, new hobbies, new stuff. ... even to the point of getting violent - they are so desperate to feel SOMETHING REAL.
They will always be empty .
berangere · 80-89, F
@OogieBoogie Again,extremely well put narcissists never change,their brains are not wired like the rest of us,apparently they have less grey mater around the part of the brain where empathy resides,so they just "don't get" normal humane feelings and reactions,they are deficient in those areas and it is also believed narcissism/psychopathy could be genetic,and all this shows that they cannot change and heal from this disorder,so to forgive them is simply empowering them and selling yourself down river,this is why they often promise to change relying on your forgiveness to continue enabling them,because they know exactly what they are doing and enjoy it thoroughly,they are sadistic and get off on their victim's suffering.I grew up with narcissists and in such "family" there is always a victim they will gang up on,usually the most vulnerable member because narcissists are also cowards,who will pick on someone just because they can.
OogieBoogie · F
@berangere ugh...the coward part!..👍
Its so true .... and if you're not weak to start with .... theu mould toy till you are... and then tjey strike .....and always at the tenderest part !!
And yeah ..... the sadist!🥺
God tjats hard to come to terms with!
I think i spent years REFUSING to believe that someone coukd be that cruel .
Is still can't wrap my mind around how hurting someone coukd make you feel good.
They also are starting to think that the mental development of narcissism can start as early as 2.
They think it might be connected to neglect from their primary caregiver ...so they are never taught how to properly emotionally regulate themselves. The n2glect also affects their confidence in themselves...and the inability to improve it within self. They learn to externalise everything.
They view themselves from the outside in.
And now I SEE IT.....now I look around this person's family...its fucking TEXTBOOK!
I can't believe they can soak up and adore fake pandering and 'pay me back "love".... yet ignore or throw away real love when it's given.
I've never known so many types of hurt one can feel in my life till I got the full focus of a Narc .
And as much pain as tjey caused.... im so glad I'm not in tjeir position.
Those of us that bear the brunt of these people...we can still learn and change....and still know what real love is.
They won't....ever.
Its so true .... and if you're not weak to start with .... theu mould toy till you are... and then tjey strike .....and always at the tenderest part !!
And yeah ..... the sadist!🥺
God tjats hard to come to terms with!
I think i spent years REFUSING to believe that someone coukd be that cruel .
Is still can't wrap my mind around how hurting someone coukd make you feel good.
They also are starting to think that the mental development of narcissism can start as early as 2.
They think it might be connected to neglect from their primary caregiver ...so they are never taught how to properly emotionally regulate themselves. The n2glect also affects their confidence in themselves...and the inability to improve it within self. They learn to externalise everything.
They view themselves from the outside in.
And now I SEE IT.....now I look around this person's family...its fucking TEXTBOOK!
I can't believe they can soak up and adore fake pandering and 'pay me back "love".... yet ignore or throw away real love when it's given.
I've never known so many types of hurt one can feel in my life till I got the full focus of a Narc .
And as much pain as tjey caused.... im so glad I'm not in tjeir position.
Those of us that bear the brunt of these people...we can still learn and change....and still know what real love is.
They won't....ever.
berangere · 80-89, F
@OogieBoogie They will never know what real love is because they cannot recognise it and because they just do not"get"love, they are simply unable to give it,do not understand it and have a need to crush those they can and this is what makes them feel alive,that sense of power and control because they are empty inside of all emotions and insight that make for a compassionate human being.