harmless, just a bit insane, coocoo nuts and bolts, little orphan manly

can someone plz adopt me so that Ms. Birdy will finally get off my back?? this cage cannot hold me anymore, i gained too much weight from eating all her sweets that got my tummy feeling all twisty and turny, ground up apple seeds do not taste like nutmeg and i think i should see the quack now if he'd return my pigeons