Is there any hope for me?
Uhh long story.
I dated this girl online, long distance for 3 years, since i was 14. At 18 I cheated on her with a guy on my class, blocked her everywhere, including her griends..now me and that guy are dating, ive never been happier in a relationship because i feel genuine love and my sexual life has never been better.
Fast forward this summer some guy commissioned me to draw some fetish stuff. I didnt mind it at first, thinking money is money. We started chatting and he became weirder and weirder, telling me about age gap ships and how hot "grooming" a fictional character is.
I decided to ghost him and complain to my bf about him. Fast forward i had an episode and my mind has been hazy and from what i remember, me and that guy started talking again. This time i realised that i didnt really mind he problematic things he said and in the matter of few days we became closer and closer because we realised how similar we are.
Fast forward... im cheating again, this time wih a guy who managed to bring out the worst of my fetishes and made me feel normal even with my already existing issues. We roleplay as cousins while nude sharing and honestly it felt really good until i started getting into an episode again.
Im so confused. Why do i keep doing this? Why do i keep on ruining myself? Why cant i remmeber things? Why cant i stop myself?
I dated this girl online, long distance for 3 years, since i was 14. At 18 I cheated on her with a guy on my class, blocked her everywhere, including her griends..now me and that guy are dating, ive never been happier in a relationship because i feel genuine love and my sexual life has never been better.
Fast forward this summer some guy commissioned me to draw some fetish stuff. I didnt mind it at first, thinking money is money. We started chatting and he became weirder and weirder, telling me about age gap ships and how hot "grooming" a fictional character is.
I decided to ghost him and complain to my bf about him. Fast forward i had an episode and my mind has been hazy and from what i remember, me and that guy started talking again. This time i realised that i didnt really mind he problematic things he said and in the matter of few days we became closer and closer because we realised how similar we are.
Fast forward... im cheating again, this time wih a guy who managed to bring out the worst of my fetishes and made me feel normal even with my already existing issues. We roleplay as cousins while nude sharing and honestly it felt really good until i started getting into an episode again.
Im so confused. Why do i keep doing this? Why do i keep on ruining myself? Why cant i remmeber things? Why cant i stop myself?
18-21, T
