Me Myself and I

For as long as I can remember, isolation has been my main go to. When trying to cope with the world around me. I hadn't realized this until recenetly. I isolate for a few reasons. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed with the word around me. I need time to process. Sometimes, I become so distrusting of my "friends" and loved one's. In the sense, that they may use my struggles against me.That they won't come from a place of understanding and try to understand what is going on in my head. Sometimes, I get so angry and don't have the energy to socialize. Sometimes, I get in such a messed up state of mine. That when someone tries to talk to me, I go into fight mode and snap at them. Because, I just want to be left alone. Not only am I trying to protect myself. I am trying to protect them. I feel guilty when I lash out at others. So, I much rather isolate and feel alone. Than lash out and take my anger out of someone who doesn't does it. Most of all, how do I tell those closest to me, I have days where my mood changes multiple times a day? I can feel high on life then a couple of hours later feel extremely depressed and hate life. Whether I am isolating, or in a room full of people. I feel alone.