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I've been awake for more than five days now. The last time I slept was like Wednesday night or something last week.

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I would be talking extreme nonsense. Ok, more extreme than normal.

Come eat cereal and share my pillow. I'll talk you to sleep. I'm told I'm good at that.

Not sure it's a compliment. But helpful in these situations.
@Bexsy i would love to fall asleep on your pillow