Have you ever battled obsessive unwanted thoughts? Song included.
It began in the early 90s: an attractive female co-worker who had my attention ended up capturing my mind.
At first I thought I was having a simple crush that puts a little extra "pep" in one's step, but the giddy joy one might experience kept turning to despair as the intensity ramped up. This kept happening with different women as I changed jobs, until one day when I met another woman co-worker and began experiencing that same crush feeling. It was on 9/11 when I realized I had those feelings again, and I'm guessing the anxiety of being in NYC just blocks from the experience made me susceptible.
Even worse, I was married at the time. I wanted no part of this, but that made no difference--just her being around made my heart rate shoot up, with the blood rushing to my face and my hands becoming sweaty. This worried me, because I had plenty to lose--job, house, and marriage. It was a horrible little secret that I shared with very few, and even though I had done absolutely nothing I felt....guilty. I ended up getting professional help, because I needed to fight this thing.
Popular culture usually depicts OCD as an affliction wherein the person who has it shuts a door 52 times, or if you're really unlucky, you'll see a show like "Monk", lawd help us. What is rarely discussed is the Unwanted Thoughts aspect of OCD, which can take an infinite number of forms, and this is what I experienced. The inability to focus due to the obsessive thoughts, the trembling discomfort as one's palms sweat and face gets flushed, and the sense of dread made my life hellish from 2001 to 2003.
This song does a [i]very[i][/i][/i] good job of communicating the experience. It's not "I Feel Happy" or "I Feel Amorous".
It's "I Feel Possessed". That's exactly what it's like. And i don't wish it on anyone.
[media=https://youtu.be/x-OCw18NF2Y]
At first I thought I was having a simple crush that puts a little extra "pep" in one's step, but the giddy joy one might experience kept turning to despair as the intensity ramped up. This kept happening with different women as I changed jobs, until one day when I met another woman co-worker and began experiencing that same crush feeling. It was on 9/11 when I realized I had those feelings again, and I'm guessing the anxiety of being in NYC just blocks from the experience made me susceptible.
Even worse, I was married at the time. I wanted no part of this, but that made no difference--just her being around made my heart rate shoot up, with the blood rushing to my face and my hands becoming sweaty. This worried me, because I had plenty to lose--job, house, and marriage. It was a horrible little secret that I shared with very few, and even though I had done absolutely nothing I felt....guilty. I ended up getting professional help, because I needed to fight this thing.
Popular culture usually depicts OCD as an affliction wherein the person who has it shuts a door 52 times, or if you're really unlucky, you'll see a show like "Monk", lawd help us. What is rarely discussed is the Unwanted Thoughts aspect of OCD, which can take an infinite number of forms, and this is what I experienced. The inability to focus due to the obsessive thoughts, the trembling discomfort as one's palms sweat and face gets flushed, and the sense of dread made my life hellish from 2001 to 2003.
This song does a [i]very[i][/i][/i] good job of communicating the experience. It's not "I Feel Happy" or "I Feel Amorous".
It's "I Feel Possessed". That's exactly what it's like. And i don't wish it on anyone.
[media=https://youtu.be/x-OCw18NF2Y]
