You know you’re never going to be good enough.

Ever. And you can pretend that the words people say change the way you feel, but you [u]know. [/u]
that comfort is delusion. and the longer you let people around you, the more it’s going to hurt them when they figure out just how awful you are.
So, do you really even care about other people? I have doubts.

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Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@itsok, here's a link with articles by people who have experienced similar problems as the one you described.

[b][i]The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Our Worth and How I’ve Let Them Go[/i][/b]
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-lies-we-tell-ourselves-about-our-worth-and-how-ive-let-them-go/

If you are so inclined, explore the site and you may find some advice that will be helpful to you.