Trigger warning ED

I feel myself relapsing again. The extreme calorie restrictions and I bought diet pills. I didn’t use them tho I want to throw them out but I just can’t idk why. I’m scared and trying to not. When I smoke I honestly forget about restricting and then eat and then when I sober up I get upset but I don’t want to rely on weed to eat. I see my weight loss results and I don’t want it to stop