Asking for a leave of absence from work

I hate the public too much to talk to them on the phone even. I tried to feel better. I did. I am closer than I've ever been in my life to actually killing myself. So I made a doctors appointment. I am going to tell them.

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tindrummer · M

Try to focus on one bright spot.

Doomflower · 41-45, M

@tindrummer It doesn't matter if I get fat. Exercise at this point is purely a coping tool.

tindrummer · M

@Doomflower All that matters is you find a path to enjoying your life again - I've also dealt with depression and I'm sure you will.

Doomflower · 41-45, M

@tindrummer I am ambivalent about getting better. I don't doubt that recovery is possible. What I doubt is that it's what I truly want.

Recovery can involve some pretty excruciating pain.

Doomflower · 41-45, M

@tindrummer then there's the inevitable flare up. There's always room for it to get worse. I don't know if I want to get better knowing the whole time that it will get worse again and I will have to cope.

tindrummer · M

@Doomflower I can't really "feel" your pain. We know that's a platitude. But I'm certain there are people in your life who would desperately miss you so try to hang on for them but especially for yourself.