I Have Random Moments of Extreme Sadness and Paranoia
I have been seeing this man for about 2 months. We met on an online dating site and I felt like we connected from the beginning. We spent hours talking and talking. We met in person a few weeks afterwards and I felt very comfortable with him from the first moment, I felt like it was the same for him. We've kept meeting every weekend since then. We haven't taken the relationship any further than "friendship" for now, I think the only reason is that we're both shy and neither dares takes the first step towards something else.
I left the city where we both live for the Christmas break, I went back to my home town for 2 weeks. I left on a Friday and we were going to meet for dinner the Wednesday before that. He was sick and couldn't make it, I already had plans on Thursday but I told him I could still meet him, only for a shorter time. He seemed really upset with himself for not being able to meet on Wednesday, although I told him it was OK. He suggested we met both on Thursday and on Friday, before I left. So we did that, and on Friday we had lunch together and then he walked me to the station where I took my train and stayed with me until the very last moment.
Then, he came to my home town during Christmas. It's a rather big and touristy city, and he had mentioned once or twice that he had never visited it and would like to. So in the end, he came for the weekend. I met him on Saturday and Sunday and we had a very good time together, walking around the city, seeing the Christmas lights and eating together. He left on Monday. When he came he was coughing a lot and on Monday we were texting each other all the time and he told me he was feeling worse. Yesterday, he said he was again worse, he had a fever, he was coughing a lot... well, he seems to have the flu. Still, yesterday we spent a lot of time texting each other. And then midnight came, we entered the new year... and I felt a strange change. He texted me a few minutes after midnight to say "Happy New Year", I texted back 3 minutes later and he didn't even read my text. OK, he was sick and maybe he went to bed after texting me.... but still, I found it strange that he didn't even wait 3 minutes to see if I replied... I texted him this morning and asked how he was feeling. He usually replies quickly and this morning 3 hours went by with no reply. I texted him again to say that I hope he's feeling better, and he replied to say he was still in bed (this second time I texted him was 2:30 PM) feeling sick, that he had a fever last night and didn't sleep much because of the cough. I replied to tell him that I hope he'll feel better soon... and he still hasn't read that text.
It's now almost midnight. I texted him again 2 hours ago to ask how he's feeling... and nothing. He hasn't read my text, or the one from this morning at 2:30PM. And I can't help feeling very, very sad and paranoid about this situation. I have a feeling of unease. I try to think of the most logical explanation: he is sick, I know he's not making it up because he was already sick when I saw him in the weekend, so maybe he's just resting and not paying attention to the phone. I have no reason to believe something's up... and still, I can't shake the feeling that he's done with me. That maybe he's disappointed that "nothing" has happened between us, that he doesn't want to see me again. If I think of our relationship since we first met, I have no reason to think anything weird: he's often the one who starts texting me during the day (when we're both working), he's often the one who suggests we meet on the weekend, he was upset about not being able to meet me on the Wednesday before I left... these facts tell me this is a person with an interest in me. And now, the first time since we met that he's taking a very long time to reply to my texts, the first time he has sent me a quick message and then not read my reply, he has a very good reason indeed: he's sick!! So why do I have to feel this sad, why do I have to think he's somehow mad at me, or disappointed, that he doesn't want to see me any more? I've felt unease all day today, I look at my phone and feel very sad to find nothing from him, I sometimes worry he's feeling really sick, most times I just think it's weird that he's alone at home and hasn't looked at the phone in almost 10 hours!!! So I think, maybe he's using his phone, just ignoring me.
I would like to stop feeling this sad and unease, to know for sure what is going on, if everything's OK between us and it's all in my mind, or if he's having second thoughts about our relationship or what... I just can't stand this uncertainty, this feeling of not knowing for sure what's going on... I think it's something I should work on. If he doesn't reply, I should be able to go on about my life calmly, knowing he'll reply later and all will be good... but I just can't.
I left the city where we both live for the Christmas break, I went back to my home town for 2 weeks. I left on a Friday and we were going to meet for dinner the Wednesday before that. He was sick and couldn't make it, I already had plans on Thursday but I told him I could still meet him, only for a shorter time. He seemed really upset with himself for not being able to meet on Wednesday, although I told him it was OK. He suggested we met both on Thursday and on Friday, before I left. So we did that, and on Friday we had lunch together and then he walked me to the station where I took my train and stayed with me until the very last moment.
Then, he came to my home town during Christmas. It's a rather big and touristy city, and he had mentioned once or twice that he had never visited it and would like to. So in the end, he came for the weekend. I met him on Saturday and Sunday and we had a very good time together, walking around the city, seeing the Christmas lights and eating together. He left on Monday. When he came he was coughing a lot and on Monday we were texting each other all the time and he told me he was feeling worse. Yesterday, he said he was again worse, he had a fever, he was coughing a lot... well, he seems to have the flu. Still, yesterday we spent a lot of time texting each other. And then midnight came, we entered the new year... and I felt a strange change. He texted me a few minutes after midnight to say "Happy New Year", I texted back 3 minutes later and he didn't even read my text. OK, he was sick and maybe he went to bed after texting me.... but still, I found it strange that he didn't even wait 3 minutes to see if I replied... I texted him this morning and asked how he was feeling. He usually replies quickly and this morning 3 hours went by with no reply. I texted him again to say that I hope he's feeling better, and he replied to say he was still in bed (this second time I texted him was 2:30 PM) feeling sick, that he had a fever last night and didn't sleep much because of the cough. I replied to tell him that I hope he'll feel better soon... and he still hasn't read that text.
It's now almost midnight. I texted him again 2 hours ago to ask how he's feeling... and nothing. He hasn't read my text, or the one from this morning at 2:30PM. And I can't help feeling very, very sad and paranoid about this situation. I have a feeling of unease. I try to think of the most logical explanation: he is sick, I know he's not making it up because he was already sick when I saw him in the weekend, so maybe he's just resting and not paying attention to the phone. I have no reason to believe something's up... and still, I can't shake the feeling that he's done with me. That maybe he's disappointed that "nothing" has happened between us, that he doesn't want to see me again. If I think of our relationship since we first met, I have no reason to think anything weird: he's often the one who starts texting me during the day (when we're both working), he's often the one who suggests we meet on the weekend, he was upset about not being able to meet me on the Wednesday before I left... these facts tell me this is a person with an interest in me. And now, the first time since we met that he's taking a very long time to reply to my texts, the first time he has sent me a quick message and then not read my reply, he has a very good reason indeed: he's sick!! So why do I have to feel this sad, why do I have to think he's somehow mad at me, or disappointed, that he doesn't want to see me any more? I've felt unease all day today, I look at my phone and feel very sad to find nothing from him, I sometimes worry he's feeling really sick, most times I just think it's weird that he's alone at home and hasn't looked at the phone in almost 10 hours!!! So I think, maybe he's using his phone, just ignoring me.
I would like to stop feeling this sad and unease, to know for sure what is going on, if everything's OK between us and it's all in my mind, or if he's having second thoughts about our relationship or what... I just can't stand this uncertainty, this feeling of not knowing for sure what's going on... I think it's something I should work on. If he doesn't reply, I should be able to go on about my life calmly, knowing he'll reply later and all will be good... but I just can't.
